The Dark World of Modeling
by yellowmile
Summary: Clare Edwards is a model. Living a dark life with secrets that can not be exposed. But Elijah Goldsworthy soon enters her world. Will he save her from the world of seduction and purging? Or will he just be another sleazy client?
1. Behind a pretty face

**A/N: Hey my lovely readers. I've just been inspired lately, which is why I keep bringing in the stories.:) This story is going to be AU. As always. hehe. Its going to be dark. Please give it a chance, I think you'll like it. Enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.  
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**The Dark world of Modelling**

(Clares POV)

When I walk down this runway, people think I look beautiful. That I'm the most amazing model in L.A. That I'm happy to have this amazing opportunity. _Ha_. They don't know that behind these blue eyes and white pale face is someone broken. Something that holds dark secrets. I don't like this life. I didn't want this. All I wanted was to become a writer, and be a best-selling author. But no. Fate had other plans. I had to meet up with my sleazy and greasy agent-Drew Torrez. Seducing me in to the modelling world with its glitz and glamour. Me being naïve thought it would be a good opportunity and could help me with money and university. I didn't know I would be stuck here. Modelling is not glitz and glamour; it's a total nightmare, that I can't go get out of. People think there is a hell, their wrong, because their living in it right now. Life is hell. Life is a constant pull that sucks you in to a black hole. There's no way out.

I walk down the long catwalk with determination. I block out the blinding white flashes coming from the photographers seated in the front row or sidelines. I feel like my head is going to explode but I don't show it. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs to get away from this torture, but I don't do it. I wouldn't want Drew to be disappointed in me. Yeck. I remember the first day I met him. Incredibly in awe at how successful and good-looking he was. When he chose me to be his model, I felt special. Belonged. I've never felt special and belonged in my whole life. My parents always chose my perfect older sister Darcy over me.

Though when I was introduced to this so-called amazing world, I didn't know there would be glitches. One being Drew making me fuck famous photographers; so I could be on a front cover or make more money. I didn't want to do it. I told him no. But he didn't take no for an answer. He told me he would ruin me. He reminded me how I was nothing before I met him and I could easily go back to being nothing. He also has something on me that could _never_ get out to the press. As much as I wanted to leave, I couldn't. He would go against me and _ruin _me. I knew he would.

Even though almost every part of me hates doing this. There is a small part of me that wants to be good enough. To make people think I'm worth looking at. To feel beautiful. I know I'll never be good enough. So I ask myself every night when I'm throwing up my guts every night in the bathroom. _Why me?_

No one knows about my late night purges. No one will ever no. I look at my self and see a disgusting slut and failure in life. When tears fall down my eyes, I swipe at them angrily. I will not be weak. I have to get through this. I _need_ to survive. I will_ survive_.

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As soon as I finish walking down the cat walk I bolt to my dressing room. I strip out of the silky short sequin and instantly put on my blue skinny jeans, floral top and black flats. I walk to my vanity and sit on a chair. I wipe all the make up off with force. Trying to cleanse my skin but its no use. I still feel the gunk inside my skin, all over, not coming off. I look at myself in the mirror. Feeling my eyes stinging with tears. I will not here. You have to get through this. You've been doing this for two years, don't give in now. My thoughts were interrupted with a knock on my dressing room door. Before I could answer. Drew barged in with a smug smile on his face that made me want to gag. He was wearing a tacky white blazer with black trousers and pimp shoes. His whole presence yelled: _SLIMBALL_

"What do you want!" I snapped.

He strolled his way toward me and put his hands on my shoulders, looking at ourselves in the mirror, leaning in to my ear.

"You were magnificent tonight babe." He whispered lowly, smiling at his reflection.

I shrugged my hands off his shoulders. "What did I say about you calling me babe and touching me?" I said angrily.

He leaned in closer, right near my cheek. He smelled heavy with alcohol. No need to purge, all I need is Drew's nauseating stench near me and I could puke up a week's worth of food. He smiled mockingly. His blue yes glistening with amusement. I looked away.

"I love it when you get all nasty, makes me all hot." He whispered seductively. "I need you to go out tonight…I've got some unfinished…business." He said slimily.

I snapped my head back, making him stumble. He stands up straight and I glare up at him.

"No." I stated firmly. "I will not do any favours tonight. I'm going home." I started to grab my bag beside my feet, on the floor, when a hard grip on my wrist stopped me. I look back to see Drew wearing a face of utter hatred.

"Yes you will. This client is very important to us and I won't let you ruin our chances of earning more money and getting you more exposure." His voice was full of venom to poison an animal.

His grip was turning bruising and I immediately pried him off. He let go of my wrist and I rubbed it numerous times. I gave him a cold look.

"Listen. First of all there is no "us" ," I gestured between us. "in your little business. And I don't want anymore exposure!" I snapped with equal venom dripping from my voice.

He smiled. Though it there was nothing nice about it. He leans down to my eye level and plants a hard rough kiss on my cheek. Before I could slap him, he stood up straight again. I rubbed my cheek relentlessly until it turned red.

"Don't. Ever. Touch. Me. Again." I said firmly.

He turned towards my door and opened it and stopped to look back at me saying,

"Have fun tonight sweet cheeks, I'll see you tomorrow." He kissed the air and exited my room.

I sighed heavily and closed my eyes. Trying to calm my nerves down. I grabbed my bag and left the dressing room.

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I drove down the dark streets of L.A. As soon as I pulled up to my destination, I stopped the car and sat there for a minute. Debating whether I should make a run for it or proceed. Every time before I visit a client, I have this constant debate in my head. I always proceed. I always will.

I sigh shakily and get out of the car and make my way to the shady house in front of me. I knock a few times before someone answers. The door opens to a built man in his early 20s with a bottle of champagne in his hand. He smirks at me. His dark brown spiky hair sticks in the night. He smells of cigarettes and alcohol. Yuck.

"You must be Clare, I'm Mark Fitzgerald, but you can call me Fitz. Come in." He said in a husky voice.

I manage a weak smile and step inside. The house is too dark for me to see anything, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get this done and over with and get the hell out of here. To speed things up I try to manage my best approach. I put my hand on his chest, touching the buttons on his shirt. I look up at him.

"Where's your bedroom." I whisper in my best seductive voice. He looks down at his shirt and back up, his eyes suddenly turned dark.

"Up here." He grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs to the second door on the right. He pulls me inside and I instantly kiss him. Feeling dirty inside, I kiss him more fervently. He drops the champagne on the floor and instantly wraps his arms around me. His mouth tasted awful, like the after taste of diet pop. I broke the kiss and he started kissing down my neck. I look blankly at his bed and let a tear slide down my cheek. I can't hold back the tears any longer, so I let them fall, along with my dignity.

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I stared up at the ceiling. Wondering what I did to deserve this. I've always been the good Christian girl, with the perfect parents and the perfect sister. We were the perfect family portrait. But somewhere during this shell of perfectness, everything was falling apart. I was blind during the process. Until my sister was raped, my parents were divorced and I was a model/prostitute.

I felt disgusted with myself, for letting this happen to me. I feel cheap and worthless. I turned to my left to see Fitz sleeping with the covers over his waist. His chest exposed. The moon from the outside reflecting on his stomach through the window. I suddenly felt cold. I quickly but silently got out from under the covers and off the bed. I grabbed my clothes, quickly got dressed and ran out the door. When I entered my car, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I put the keys in the ignition and bolted out of the drive way.

When I reached my house, it was after 2 in the morning. I was exhausted. I just wanted to take a nice hot shower and sleep. When I entered the house I put my keys and bag on the table beside the doorway and went straight upstairs for the bathroom. I sat on the cold tile floors and put two fingers down my throat, releasing the contents that was in my stomach from the whole day. Once I was finished, I flushed the toilet and got up and turned on the shower water. After I was done, I went to my room and collapsed on the bed. Sleep over powering me in a matter of seconds.

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I awoke to the sound of my annoying alarm blaring through my room and echoing through the house. I groan and look over to see its 7:00 in the morning._ Great Clare. Only 4 hours of sleep. You know I think that's a new record._ I lazily get out of bed and head to the shower.

After getting ready and eating breakfast I left my house wearing a yellow flowy top with a grey cardigan and blue denim shorts with strappy sandals. I drove to the modelling studio also known as FIDM: Fashion Industry Driven Models. The name is stupid if you ask me. I soon come up to the big 20 story building and park in my reserved parking spot. The catwalk is inside the studio, attached to it. I entered the front lobby and see Jenna Middleton: the secretary, talking to a tall guy with dark brown-almost black hair, wearing all black, leaning against the long desk. By the glint in Jenna's eyes and flirty smile, I could tell she was flirting. The guy stepped back almost instantly and Jenna's smile faltered. I smirked. I never really like Jenna, she was too fake and a wannabe. Though who am I to judge? I walked towards her and stopped beside the guy clad in black and looked straight at her. Avoiding the wandering eyes of the stranger.

"Hey Jenna, is Drew in yet?" I could feel the strangers eyes burning through me as he scanned up and down my body. Jenna seemed to notice this and frowned slightly. She was about to answer when she was interrupted by the dark stranger.

"Excuse me, but I was finding instructions on who I'm supposed to see." His voice was deep, inviting.

I turned towards him and saw the most breathtaking green eyes I've ever seen. His cheek bones were perfect, his brownish-black hair fell loosely as bangs over his forehead. His mouth was slanted in to a smirk. He was absolutely gorgeous.

"Well, I'm just trying to see if my boss is in." I noted confidently.

He arched an eyebrow. A sexy one at that and raked his eyes once again down my body, his eyes were travelling agonizingly slow, making me shiver slightly. Once he made it back to my eyes he said,

"Sorry, go ahead." He motioned to Jenna.

I looked towards Jenna waiting for an answer. She shook her head.

"He's not in yet." She said nervously.

"Bastard." I murmured, looking away. I turned back to Jenna. "Okay tell him, I'll be in my dressing room when he comes in." I stalked off before I could get a response and past the stranger, avoiding eye-contact.

That man was incredibly….. _sexy, breath-taking, a god_…..the list goes on. But I can't focus on that. I have to get my money from Drew. Fitz paid Drew already before I slept with him. I have to worry about this, before I can think about any guys.

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**A/N: So what do you think. I don't know if its good. I will only continue if you like it. I don't want to continue if people hate my stories. So review? I love your feedback:)**


	2. Sexual negotiation

**A/N: Hey guys. Thank you for the wonderful reviews. i have another chapter for you. Read ahead my lovely readers:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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Clares(POV)

As soon as I sat down near my vanity, I look at myself in the mirror. I look washed out. There are circles under my eyes and my skin looks pasty. I resist the urge to put make-up on, I promised myself I would be _o-naturale; _however you say that term. _Where the hell is Drew?_ He said he was going to be early, but why would I take him for his word. I was thinking of what I had to do today when the sexy, mysterious stranger from the lobby, popped into my head again.

There's something about him. His presence is just so alluring. But I have to stop thinking about him. _Remember what happened with Drew._ I instantly locked my memories from connecting with my mind. _I will not think about that. _Then as if on cue; Drew barged into my dressing room with a cigarette in his hand.

The smoke was surfacing through the room, making me choke.

"What the _hell? _Since…when…did…you…smoke." I said between coughs.

He only smiled. "So how was it last night?" His voice was smug, knowing.

I looked in my mirror. I scowled. "The job got done." I mumbled.

"That's my girl. Now look I have this photographer I'm meeting with and he can _really _help you." He said in a needy voice.

"Look Drew, I don't want to do any more favours. Now where's my money." I said tiredly.

He strolled over to me and put his cigarette in his mouth. He blew out and smoke puffed in circles in the air until they vanished. "Listen Clare. This is a long-term favour. This man has photographed memorable models and actors. Don't you see this could _help _us!" He emphasized.

"What do you mean….long-term?" I asked cluelessly.

He huffed in annoyance. "What I mean is that you would have to be with this man _more_ than once."

My jaw dropped. Does he really want me to fuck a photographer as much as this guy pleases. So it will help with the studio. _Fuck this._

"No _fucking _way." I said sharply, shaking my head.

"Excuse me?" He asked in disbelief.

I stood up until we were a few feet apart. I looked him dead in the eye.

"I've done too many favours for you Drew. I _will _not do _this._" My voice was dripping with venom.

His blue eyes glared at me. "Don't you remember what _happened?_" He struck dangerously.

I shrunk back a bit and looked away. From the corner of my eye I could see him smile. _Fucking bastard._

"Don't bring up the _past._" I whispered ashamed.

"We can forget it ever existed, if you do this." He reasoned in a cheery voice.

"_Fuck_ you." I spat.

"Don't threaten me with pleasure. Besides been there," He looked down my body. "done that." He stopped back at my eyes.

"You ass-", I brought my hand up to slap him but he caught it with his empty hand.

" Ah ah ah. We have to get going." He said amused.

I released my hand from his grasp and asked, "Where are we going?"

"To meet the photographer." He smirked.

I gave a look of disgust as I followed him out of my dressing room. He went down the hall to the elevator. Once inside, I stood far from him as possible. _Oh god, what just happened? Don't worry Clare, it'll be okay. _This photographer better not be demanding like some others I've been with. Oh who am I kidding, if I'm any lucky, he might be good-looking.

When we exited the elevator, Drew lead me to his office. Drews' office was _huge. _It's the size of medium size living-room. It has stylish decorations and a book shelf with tons of books. _Like Drew reads._ He also has a huge wooden desk in the centre with papers and a picture of his car. I've been in there so many times, I could recite the title of every book he has on his book shelf.

When we entered his office I grabbed a book from the self and sat on the leather sofa against the far wall. I crossed my leg over the other and started reading.

"Do you have to?" Drew nagged from across the room.

I rolled my eyes. "You know Drew, if someone doesn't read these books, they'll be full of dust." I responded, not taking my eyes off the book.

There was a knock on the door but I didn't budge. I heard Drew gotten up and opened the door.

"Mr. Goldsworthy. Please come in." I could hear the smile in Drews voice.

"Please call me Eli." Responded a deep familiar voice. I closed the book and got up, dropping it on the couch in the process. All I could see is Drews' back. He stepped out of the way and I almost gasped.

"Clare meet Elijah Goldsworthy. Photographer of Fresh Fraud." Drew introduced.

I stood frozen. The photographer in front of me had the breath-taking green eyes, dark brown hair, the sexy slanted smirk…._oh shit._ He looked at me and his smirk deepened and for a third time today, he checked me out.

"I'm Clare Edwards." I said in a small voice.

Eli or Elijah walked gently across the room towards me. He picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. His eyes never leaving mine. I was too stunned to pull away. Once he did he said,

"Eli Goldsworthy." he said huskily.

I crossed my arms, suddenly feeling cold. Drew looked over at us and gave me a questioning looking. I shrugged it off and went back to sitting on the couch. Eli sat down on a chair while Drew sat across from him and the desk.

"Alright…." Drew babbled on as I tuned out.

I can't believe that man is the _photographer._ The photographer I'm supposed to fuck when ever he pleases for as long as he wants. My mind is protesting but a small part of me is glad he isn't some old geezer that looks at me like a piece of meat. But his gaze on me, does send some sort of vibe. Something dark. Dangerous.

Every time drew was writing down something or looking away Eli would glance at me. I felt my cheeks heating up every time our eyes locked. I would always look away first.

After negotiating the arrangements, Eli and Drew both stood up from their chairs. Eli gave me one last look before exiting Drews office. Once the door was closed shut I stood in front of Drew.

"Not too bad huh." He tried to reason.

I blinked at him repeatedly as if he were dumb, I turned around saying, "I'm going home."

"Fine but be here tomorrow early. You need to meet Eli at the cat-walk at 8:-"

"Yeah ,yeah, yeah." I closed the door on him before he finished. I exited the building and determined to go home and catch up on sleep.

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**A/N:I know this chapter was boring but it will be sooo much bettter next chapter trust me.:) Review?**


	3. Photo confusion

**A/N: Hello! I was really surprised I lot of reviews from the last chapter. So I thank you a lot.:) Anyways here is another chapter:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own degrassi**

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**Clare(POV)**

_Holy Mother of shit_. _What the hell did I get myself into?_ Driving to the studio early in the morning, woke up my brain and realized the favour I was about to do. How could I let Drew do this to me! This isn't a regular favour that requires a one night stand, usually in a crappy motel without exchanging words, but this is different, I've talked to this guy. I found him attractive. The way his gaze was on me, making me feel intrigued and alarmed at the same time. How he was calm and collected. I need to relax. Whats done is done Clare. You have to make the best of it.

Walking in to the studio towards the cat walk, I couldn't help but feel nervous. I was about to meet Eli Goldsworthy for our first photo shoot. It shouldn't be that bad, I mean his assistants and other workers will be there with him. Right?

The room the catwalk was held in was empty. White covered everywhere. Except when I noticed a figure in black sitting on the side of the catwalk. His face sideways. I cautiously made my way towards him. When he heard my footsteps he snapped his head in my direction. He smirked and hopped of the catwalk. He walked his way toward I was close enough, I stopped.

"Good morning." I said.

"Morning." He replied. There was a black camera hanging in the front of his shirt on a strap around his neck.

I hopelessly looked around the room, to see if there was anyone hiding or on their way here.

"So….where's your…..staff." Unsure what to call his people.

He smirked again, more dark this time. "No people, just you and me. I'm going to work on your profile."

"Profile?"

"Yep. I'm going to be taking pictures of you today to determine which one will work well for other businesses." He explained.

I thought about it for a second and shrugged. "Okay. So where are we doing this?"

"Follow me." He jumped on top of the cat walk and started walking towards the back which led to the huge preparation station for models before they go on.

I looked down and noticed I was wearing a skirt. I looked back at him to see he turned around looked at my skirt as well.

"You want me to carry you?" He asked smugly.

I gave him a look and climbed on to the catwalk without hesitation. "No thanks, I don't need any help." I replied with the exact same smugness in my voice.

He lingered his eyes down my body then back up. "No. You don't." His voice was holding a double meaning. I could tell.

It took me all the power I had not to shiver. Good Job Clare. He turned around and led the way. Went through the preparation station to a hidden back door, which led to a long hallway with a door at the end of it.

The room was huge and beige. There was nothing in it but the background-which was black-and a black chair. I looked to Eli.

"Umm….is this where we're working on my profile." I asked in disbelief.

"Yes. This is a private room I found yesterday after talking to you and Drew Torrez and thought this would be perfect for minor shoots." He looked at the room in awe.

_Oh, so this is where the fucking will take place. Secluded area. No one can hear_. I walked to the centre of the room, where the background was. I turned towards Eli and said,

"You want to get started?"

He made his way towards me and stood in front of the chair.

"Alright, put your bag to the side." I dropped it to the ground. "Alright now put your right hand on your right hip….yeah! That's it. Now move your chin towards the door and look towards your left. Good! Now keep that pose." He lifted his camera in his hands and angled it over his face. He took a couple of snaps before telling me to change my position.

25 poses later and countless snaps, Eli said, "Lets take a break."

Alright Clare, time to get down to business. I walked towards Eli with a seductive sway and stopped in front of him; he was sitting in his chair. I put my hands on his knees. He looked at me with confusion.

Oh so that's how he wants it. I moved my hands from his knees and started to unbutton my shirt slowly….

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Not that I don't mind this interaction….but I usually take a pretty lady out on a date before getting to third base." he grabbed my wrists to stop me further.

Confusion and shock washed through me. _Didn't him and Drew talk about this_….

"Wait you mean, Drew never…" I trailed off, still confused.

"Drew never what? I don't know what you're talking about I-"

"Forget it. I miss interpreted."

He looked at me for a second. As if by looking into my eyes, his silent questions will be answered.

I turned away and buttoned the one button I had undone and walked across the room to pick up my bag. There was a thick tension in the air, and I just wanted to bolt out of there before things turn more awkward.

"Wait!" He yelled, as I made it to the door. I turned around and looked back at him.

"Let me take you out to breakfast. For doing a good job today." He said.

I thought about it for a moment. I really could go for something to eat. Plus I don't have anything else planned for today.

"Sure." I smiled.

He smirked and made his way towards me, both of us exiting the room.

20 minutes later, Eli and I both pulled up in front of an oldies diner.

After leaving the studio Eli went to his car-wait no, a hearse, and followed my car to a close by diner. After making our way inside, we went in the back to sit in a booth. I picked up the menu and scanned it, finally deciding on what to order. Eli scanned his as well and settled it back on the table.

"So what are you getting? He asked.

"Bacon and eggs." I responded.

He huffed in relief. "Thank god. I'm so glad you're not one of those models that live off baby food and water." He smirked.

I suddenly thought about my late night purges. _Great. I'm going to have to purge after this meal_. To hide any traces of nervousness on my features, I laughed. "Nah. I like to eat food."

He chuckled lightly and I couldn't help but notice how sexy it was. A lady about mid-fifties then came up to us and took our orders. Eli ordered a western sandwich with black coffee while I ordered my bacon and eggs with a sprite. Once the lady left, I asked him,

"Why do you care if a woman eats proper or not?"

"Because I hate this business because of the fake people in it. Most of them are models." He added, "No offense."

"I don't understand. If you hate this business so much, then why are you in it?" I asked bewildered.

His eyes looked into mine. "Photography is apart of me. Ever since I was younger. There's a certain rawness to it. It shows people what is really behind the objects in the photo…." He looked away, looking as if a painful memory came up.

A twinge of guilt pitted at the bottom of my stomach. I wanted him to forget what he was thinking that minute so I said, "It's okay I understand. You don't have to explain further." I whispered.

He looked back towards me and his eyes were serious with a hint of sorrow. "Why did you want to become a model?"

It was my turn to feel uncomfortable. No one has ever asked me that question before. I sighed deeply and said,

"The truth is I never wanted to become a model."

He titled his chin up in triumph. "I thought, you were different."

I gave him a confused look. "What do you mean you thought I was _different_?"

"Well….your presence it shows…..a certain depth." He looked at me intently.

This man. There's something so alluring about him-

"Okay we got your western and black coffee and bacon and eggs with sprite." The waitress plopped our food in front of us before smiling and leaving us to eat.

After eating, I started to feel the food making its way through my system. I needed to get rid of it.

"Excuse me." I rushed towards the back of the diner and went in the women's restroom. I locked the stall and went down on my knees.

I put two fingers down my throat and felt the bacon and eggs surfacing back up my throat. Soon, the contents of my breakfast was thrown into the white porcelain bowl before me. I leaned back against the door and breathed heavily. I don't understand. How come Eli didn't know about the favour I was supposed to grant him. Unless Drew never said anything and just _assumed_ I would do the favour. _Fucking prick blindsiding me_. I slammed the stall door with my hand in frustration. Even though I'm glad I don't have to fuck anyone for favours, apart of me felt embarrassed and rejected that he didn't want me. _Oh boy, what is happening to you Clare?_

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_**A/N: So what do you think? Review?**_  
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	4. Party desperate

**A/N:Hey guys. I here have another chapter for you. But I warn you its terrible. Theres nothing really interesting but read anyways, and thank you for the wonderful reviews.:)**

**Disclaimer:I do not own Degrassi.**

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Clare(POV)

Driving to the studio the next morning felt…_weird. _I don't know what it is, but I think it has to do with my morning yesterday with…._Eli._ I can't get him out of mind. Our time at the diner yesterday made me feel comfortable. Happy. Ever since I joined this business, I've always felt out-of-place. But yesterday I felt like the old me for once.

Eli still didn't pick up on my _incident _with him in that room yesterday and I'm happy about it. I can finally stop sleeping with photographers and just do my _actual _job for once. Drew can just go on and think I'm fucking Eli. It won't cause any harm. Right?

I parked my car and entered the building, going straight to the catwalk. Drew is having a meeting for all models. Apparently its important. I entered the catwalk room and was greeted with the 160 models that belonged to this studio. Drew was standing on the catwalk, talking to Adam. Adam was his brother, and director of each fashion show. Unlike Drew, he was sweet, caring and an amazing guy. When Drew noticed me walking towards him, he smirked and said,

"Hey babe."

I looked at Adam to see his face was mocking vomiting. I laughed and smiled at him. He smiled back and hit Drew in the arm. Drew looked at him and nodded. Drew then looked over all the models and smiled.

"Ladies, thank you for joining Adam and I this morning for this important meeting."

I rolled my eyes. Drew always made it sound like he was running a stock-market.

"As you know this Friday is _Fore Love _and we are putting on a show." He continued.

_Shit. I forgot about Fore Love._ _Fore Love_ is a big modeling event that happens once a year, and it is _always_ held at FIDM. I remember going to my first one, I was beyond amazed. You meet different celebrities, the models put on a special show and everyone socializes. Now I just find them completely stupid and a waste of time. But I have to be in it. Models job.

"So Adam here is going to give you your schedule to rehearse." He motioned Adam to go to the models. I made may way to Adam when Drew called me.

"Clare, come here."

I jumped up the catwalk and he pushed me aside.

"So…how was Eli yesterday."

I sighed and looked at his waiting face. "Great. He was really _satisfied_."

He smiled wide. "Really. That's my girl. Now remember its long-term. So don't be surprised if he wants more."

I smirked. "Oh don't worry, I don't have a problem with _that_."

"Good, now listen about Friday, when _Fore Love _is finished, there is going to be an after party. I need you to come."

"Is Eli going to be there?" I instantly wanted him there if I was doing anything.

Drew looked confused. "Yes, he's going to be there."

"Good. Count me in. Oh wait. I need my money from the other night."

"Oh that's right!" He dug in his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. He handed it to me and I snatched it.

"Thank you." I made my way towards Adam.

Adam smiled when I reached him. "Hey Clare, how's it going?

I shrugged. "The same. How about you?"

"Good. Good. Here's your schedule." I folded the yellow paper and put it in my bag.

"Hey Adam, do you know the photographer Elijah Goldsworthy?"

Adam's eyes lit up. "Do I? He's awesome. One of my good friends. Is he working for you?"

_More like the other way around._ "Yeah, he took a few shots of me yesterday, but he's working with us for a while."

"Awesome." Adam smiled as he looked over my shoulder. "Well speak of the devil."

I turned around. My heart started beating fast. Standing at the entrance was Eli. Looking sexy as ever. He came up to us and smirked.

"Adam my man what's up?" Eli and Adam did this fist pump thing.

"Nothing much man, just getting ready for _Fore Love_."

Eli's eyes turned flat and shifted uncomfortably. "_Fore Love_?"

Eli's eyes flickered to mine. I gave him a questioning look. Adam looked just as confused. "Yeah, aren't you invited?"

Eli cleared his throat. "I wasn't aware. Listen I've got to go find Drew. I'll see you later man." He exited the room.

Instinctively, I felt the need to go after him. So I did. He was walking down the hallway.

"Eli!" I ran up to him as he turned around.

He looked isolated. His hands were stuck in his pockets. He looked like he was upset. "What?"

"I really want you to go to _Fore Love _Friday." I was surprised how desperate I sounded.

"Why?"

I sighed. "Because you're the first person who seems real at this industry, and I'll be eaten alive by the fakeness that goes around at that _stupid _after party."

He smirked. "Wow Edwards, you that desperate for me."

I scoffed. "No, I just thought it would be nice to have a friend there but since you'd rather not.." I turned on my heal, but he said.

"I'll see you there. You might not be desperate to see me, but I do want to see you."

I turned back to him. My mouth gaped. But he was already walking away.

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**A/N: Sorry, but I promise next chapter will be more interesting. Review?**


	5. Peaceful

**Sorry for the EXTREMELY late update but school again has got me. But its MARCH BREAK! Which means I can update regularly.:) Although when school starts again I might not be able to update every week. So I might update my stories every a couple weeks if it leads down to that. sorry. Anyways I can't believe I got nine reviews for my last chapter. That's the most reviews I got for any story I've ever wrote, thank you. Oh and to clear up any confusion, Eli is completely clueless to what Drew is making Clare do. Drew just assumed Eli would do it. Now that, that's settled. Enjoy my lovely readers:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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**Clare(POV)

I clutched the white porcelain bowl as I empty the remains from my stomach. Nothing like a purge before the big event. I stood up shakily after flushing the toilet. I brushed my teeth and looked in the mirror._ Okay Clare. Better. Not great….but better._ I need to look good tonight for _Fore Love._ Not like the entire reason I wanted to look good was for the stupid event, I also wanted Eli to notice me. Not that I like him, I just want some professional take on my appearance tonight. Really.

I slipped on my short black dress and black velvet heels and headed out to my car. I wasn't nervous but my stomach was in knots for some reason. _Just get through tonight Clare and everything will be okay._

I parked in my regular parking spot and it was already getting dark out. The rest of the parking lot was packed. Solid. I narrowly avoided bumping into them as I made my way towards the entrance of the building. Once I entered the preparation station behind the cat-walk, I was welcomed by swarming half-naked models, while the designers were yelling at them where to go.

I went to my part of the station. I looked at the railing of clothes I would be wearing for tonight's show. In front of me was a vanity with my name written on the top. I looked beside me to see an identical vanity to mine, except for the name _Alliah_ printed on it. Alli was my best friend and fellow model. She helps me get through this business. I tell her everything, except for the purging and fucking photographers profit.

Alli came prancing towards her vanity wearing a black and blue corset with half of her hair done up and blue stilettos on. She whipped her black hair over shoulders as she took a seat.

"Hey Clare, how's it going?" She smiled as she brushed her hair.

I looked in the mirror and ruffled my hair. "It's going good. How about you?"

"Amazing. Aren't you excited for _Fore Love_!" she squealed.

I groaned. "No. This event is pointless."

My make-up artist approached me and started applying my make up.

"Awwe come on Clare! You're always a part pooper. There's going to be hot guys here." She wiggled her eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes. "I could care less about guys right now." _Not all of the them._

"Whatever. _I'm_ going to have fun tonight." she emphasized.

I laughed. "Okay you do that."

"_Ladies_! You're on in _5_!" yelled Adam from the middle of the large room.

I grabbed a red designer dress with 5 inch red heels and sauntered my way to the opening, with Alli right behind me.

The lights were dim as we made our way down the cat-walk. I couldn't see anyone except for the white flashes coming from different places. I posed, I walked elegantly. I think I pretty much nailed it. Even though Eli told me he was going to be here, I still thought…maybe he didn't.

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When the show was completely over, I slipped back on my black dress and drove my way to the after-party. The show went the same as always. Applause at the end. Drew and Adam's praise towards us models. The whole works.

I parked in front of the huge hall. When I entered, the place was decorated as a club. It was dark with blasting music, people dancing and neon lights surrounded the whole place. There was a bar on the side with people lounging near it.

I made my way through the blur of dancing people to the end where coloured cushions were. I sat down on one and watched the party take effect. I just wanted to go home and sleep.

"Having fun?" Asked a familiar husky voice.

Even though the music was loud, I would be able to recognize his voice anywhere, and that scared me a little.

I turned my head to see Eli holding a glass of-I'm guessing alcohol-while his other hand was in his pocket. His black skinny jeans and button down, made him stand out. His black tie was wrapped around his neck. I stared at him while my heart started to race.

"No, not really." I responded.

He took a seat next to me. Our knees almost touching. My skin was starting to burn with his body so close to mine.

"I wasn't neither."

I raised my eyebrows. "_Wasn't_?"

"Until you showed up." He sipped his glass. I could see his throat contracting with the liquid, making me lick my lips subconsciously.

I looked down and said, "Were you at the show?"

"Yes. I saw you there."

I looked back at him to see he was staring at me. "So what did you think of it?"

"I've been to the show before. I've always hated it, but….I'm supposed to go."

"Same, I find the event really pointless." I complained.

He smiled a private smile. I wonder what that was about. He suddenly stood up and said, "You want to dance?"

"Ummm….I'm not really good at it." I nervously said.

He smirked. "You have me."

I scoffed and stood up. "Follow me, _Elijah_."

I walked to the middle of the dance floor, hoping he would follow me. I turned around to see him a few feet away from me. His glass was gone. The music playing was upbeat, so I started to sway my hips gently towards the music. Eli watched me as I started adding my arms to the mix. I walked around him, then stopped right in front of him. I placed my hands on his shoulders ad he placed his on my waist. We started moving in sync to the beat. I moved a little closer to him as I looked up into his eyes. They looked torn. They were shining. Not in a good or bad way. I averted my gaze around anywhere but his face. I faintly saw Drew smiling and motioning me towards him. I stopped dancing and told Eli,

"I'll be right back_._"

Once I made my way to Drew, I noticed an older looking man was beside him. He looked about early thirties, give or take.

"Babe how's the party so far." asked Drew with a huge grin on his face. I wanted to tell him to _fuck _off but there was company in our presence.

"Fine." I managed to muster.

"Great, I'd like you to meet Mr. Declan Coyne. He's a model executive." He motioned to the man beside him.

The man smiled a professional smile. His hair was brown and his dark blue eyes hid something. His teeth were sparkling white.

I held out my hand. "I'm Clare Edwards."

He shook it and said, "I know. You were really great tonight."

I blushed. "Thank you."

"Now doll, why don't you go back and dance." barged Drew.

I nodded and went back to Eli.

"Can we go. I really don't want to be here." I whispered in his ear.

"I thought you'd never ask." He led the way out of the hall.

We took his car to drive. I didn't know where he was taking me but I needed to get out of there. Drew had something up his sleeve and I wanted nothing to do with it.

"Alright. Here we are." said Eli interrupting my thoughts.

I noticed that we came to a stop and looked around to see we were in a huge empty parking lot with the grass over the right with trees and a beautiful lake with clear blue water swaying lightly.

I gasped. "This is incredible." I climbed out of the car while blindly closing it. I heard Eli walk over to me.

"It's a beauty isn't it. I find this is the only place that seems real in this city." he countered.

I walked slowly over the grass and looked at the water. Just looking how peaceful it was, made me think how my life will never be like that. _Peaceful_.

"Where did you find this place?"

He cleared his throat. "An old friend."

I looked at him to see he looked uncomfortable. "Well, your friend really knows how to find amazing places." I gushed.

"Yeah well she was pretty amazing herself." He looked at the ocean.

_Was. What does he mean by was?_ I started walking over the grass towards the sand. On the way, my heel got caught on a branch and made me trip. Eli was holding me but I lost my balance and fell backwards, squealing in surprise as Eli fell with me. My back came in contact with the grass as Eli was on top of me, holding my wrists.

I looked in his eyes and melted in them. This up close, they were perfect. So clear and bright. He looked into my eyes and said, "You have pretty eyes."

"I was just thinking the same thing about yours." I slipped the words out without thinking. Once I realized what I said, I turned a dark shade of red. Eli only smirked and got up, holding his hand out for me. I took it and got up. I pulled off my heels and threw them across the grass. I ran into the ocean, but only far enough that my knees were above the water. Oh how great it felt to feel free. Just being in this water felt like being in a different world, a better one…..

"Clare!" yelled Eli.

I looked to see him holding his phone. "Yeah." I said as I walked out of the water.

"Drew." He handed me the phone.

I turned my back to him and walked a few feet away.

"What?"

"_Jeez babe, calm down. Look where are you?_"

"None of your business."

"_I need you back here at the club._"

"Why?"

"_Just get over here!_"

The dial tone ringed through my ear as I took in a deep breath. I handed the phone back to Eli.

"Could you bring me back to the party?" I asked quietly.

Confusion went on his face. "Okay."

On the way back I couldn't help but have a sharp pang at the side of my stomach by going back to Drew. I felt so good when I was with Eli, but now I'm going back to the _real_ world.

"Thanks, are you leaving?"

He took in a deep breath. "Yeah. I have somewhere I need to be."

"Okay. Bye." I walked back in the hall.

Drew was in the same spot as before, with Declan Coyne still beside them. They were laughing about something. Once I approached Drew's smile became wider.

"Babe, thanks for coming back. I was just discussing with Mr. Coyne here, about the _favour_ you will be doing tonight for him." He winked.

My mouth dropped open. Everything went cross. "_What?_" I screeched.

Drew's smile vanished as he roughly grabbed my arm and brought me to the side. "What the _hell_ is your problem?" He demanded harshly.

"My problem. What happened to Eli's "_long-term_" arrangement!" I snapped.

He sighed and wiped a hand over his face. "Clare listen, this guy is only one night and just because I said Eli was long-term doesn't mean you weren't going to do any other favours."

I looked at him with disgust. "You sick_ bastard._"

"Just do it." He warned.

I swallowed and went to Declan. His face was alarmed but I simply smiled at him. "Shall we get out of here." I whispered in his ear.

He grinned and ushered his arm for me. I took it and let him lead me out of the hall.

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**Review?**


	6. Beautiful eyes

**WOW! 11 reviews. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING. I LOVE YOU 3 You guys broke the record for reviews.:D I have another chapter for you and I hope you guys like it. I kind of like the story so far. Things Are going to get intense...later on.;) I know you guys want Eli to save Clare or kick Drews ass but you'll just have to wait and see. ;p Now enjoy my lovely readers.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi...or our love is my Drug by Kesha.**

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(Clare)POV

Last night was amazing-at least when I was with Eli. I'm still basking at the place he took me to. Oh how I wish to go back there. I wonder what had Eli upset. I've noticed it was very tender to talk about who introduced him to the place. I don't want to push him but I want him to be able to trust me with anything. _What are you talking about Clare? You can't even trust anyone. _Unfortunately last night was left on a sour note. The subject that's the cause of this…

_Declan Coyne._

Last night was just awful. My mind was already somewhere else when we left the party, but just the circumstances, was just terrible. I hope Drew doesn't make me go with _him _anymore. I already felt a strange guilt in my stomach, for leaving Eli to go back to the party. Especially when we were this close to..

_Kissing_.

_Was he going to? _I don't know. _Did I want to? _Hell yes! Although, I didn't know what Eli was feeling. It was pretty clear he has been flirting with me from day one, but is that just his personality? Does he actually like me? I don't know about that ,but I know I'm starting to like him.

Getting ready for the studio, I slipped on a pair of light blue skinny jeans, with a pink floral top and purple converse. Once I parked my car at FIDM, I went straight to my dressing room. Drew was sitting on my chair with a cigarette in his hand.

"Good morning babe." He grinned.

I walked past him, dropping my bag on the floor. "Why are you in here?"

Drew never usually comes in my dressing room without me in it already. He must have an ulterior motive. I may not like Drew but I do know him really well.

He took a drag from his cigarette and blew out slowly. "Just waiting for you."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Well I'm here. What do you want."

He got up and walked up to me, his breath was fanning over me. "How was last night?"

I shoved him away and said, "The job got done."

I've never felt so disgusted in my life. I need….to find a way to stop this. Maybe what I did in the past wasn't worth to blackmail. Oh who am I kidding? What I did could _never_ reach in the public. It would destroy _everything_. My family would hate me. My friends. _Eli._

Drew grinned. "Now that's what I like to hear." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a _huge_ wad of cash. "Here you go."

"Wow Drew, this is a lot of money." I said as I counted.

"Yeah well, this man was one of the most important in the modeling business. You deserve it."

I stopped counting. I _deserved _it. A knot in my stomach formed from his words. I don't deserve this. Any of this. I need to think of something, to convince Drew. I _need _to stop doing this.

"Drew…..could I talk to you about _this_?" I motioned with the money.

"What is it?"

I drew in a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. I felt like was in a wrestling match, about to go against the undefeated. Knowing I would lose this round.

"I don't want to do this anymore. Is there some….other-any way I could get out of this." I was alarmed by the desperation in my voice.

Drew stared at me with a blank expression. Drew never scared me but the expression his face held right now, did make me uneasy.

"No."

I felt the winning blow to my stomach from the undefeated. All that was left was the remains.

"Please. There isn't anything I can do?" I was on the verge of begging.

He averted his eyes and thought for a moment before a devilish grin spread on his face. "Well there is…. one thing you could do."

"Then no more _favours._" I eagerly clarified.

He nodded. "I promise."

I didn't trust the sound of his voice. "Well then what is it?" I cautiously asked.

"Sleep with me."

I felt like I was slapped across the face. I stumbled back a few steps as my mouth hung opened in shock. _Sleep with him?_ I've been with Drew before, he was the first person I've ever had a real relationship with. He was my first. After he betrayed me and ruined me, I promised I would never be tied to him _emotionally _or _physically._

I shook my head as if trying to get rid of the words from my mind. "No. I told you Drew. I'm _not _sleeping with you again."

He shrugged and threw is cigarette on the ground, stomping on it in the process, leaving ashes everywhere. "It was your decision." he brushed past me as he left my dressing room, leaving it in complete and utter silence.

xXx

I left my dressing room after cleaning up the ashes on the floor and thought for a bit. I was debating whether I should sleep with Drew or just continue what I'm doing. I decided _not _to sleep with Drew. I know I'm a disgusting slut and failure, but I do have some dignity left and I know it will be gone if I ever did that. I'll just have to find some other way to stop this.

To stop this _soon._

I went to the main lobby where Jenna was. She was writing something down.

"Hey Jenna, how are you?"

She looked up and smiled. "Good morning Clare, I'm fine how about you?"

"I'm good. Is there any calls for me?"

She looked through different piles of sheets before answering, "Nope."

"Alright, if anyone calls, I'll be in my dressing room." She nodded as I left.

I was _really _planning to go home since I didn't have anything planned today. Maybe I could go shopping._ Yeah! I really wanted to get new shoes._

_**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**_

I realized it wasn't Drew since the person _actually_ knocked. I looked in the mirror and fixed my hair. "Come in."

I heard the doorknob turn and saw Eli walk in with his camera around his neck and a black bag slung over his shoulder. I felt my heart flutter at the sight of him. He was in his usual black attire and the smirk that is practically apart of his face.

"Hey." he said.

I stood up and smiled. "Hi."

"That Jenna girl told me you'd be in here." He took the bag off his shoulder. "I have the pictures from your profile."

My eyes widened in excitement. "Really? Did they come out alright."

He took out a huge white envelope and dropped the bag. "Yeah, I think they're all pretty awesome."

He showed me each one, going over how the angles matched my poses. They looked really good. Eli is a really amazing photographer. I smiled at how pretty he made me look.

"Now this one," he pulled a picture form the pile. "is my favourite."

The picture was me sitting on the floor with me looking up at the camera. I was smiling-more like laughing into the camera. My eyes brightened the whole picture. I looked happy. _Free._

"You look natural. Your beautiful eyes capture the picture." he complimented.

The room suddenly turned warm as I looked up in his eyes. His eyes went down to my lips then back at my eyes. He leaned in a little. I started to lean in as my eyes fogged over. He leaned in more, our breaths were mingling with one another. _This is really happening._ I closed my eyes….

"_Your love, your love…is my drug! Your love, your love, your love._"

Me and Eli broke apart at the sound of my ring tone buzzing through my dressing room. My cheeks heated up as I shyly grabbed my phone from my bag.

"Hello?"

"_Clare! Hey. I tried your house but you didn't answer so I'm guessing your at the studio?_"

Alli. "Hey Alli, yeah I am."

"_Great! I'm on my way other there. I'm in a shopping mood and I want you to come with. I wasn't interrupting anything when I called was I? 'Cause you sounded kind of eager when you answered._"

_No, of course not Alli. You only interrupted me and Eli about to kiss but it's alright. Not a big deal. _"No, you didn't. Look shopping sounds good. I'll meet you in the main lobby in few minutes."

"_Sounds great. See you in a few._"

I closed my phone and turned around back to Eli. He had his stuff already packed up. I sighed.

"Sorry about that. Great shots by the way."

The room was turning awkward as I fidgeted with the hem of my top.

He smirked. "I'll see you tomorrow." He left my dressing room.

_Damn it Alli! I was this close. _I hope things don't get awkward now.

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**So what did you think. Leave me some love;)**


	7. Hallow

**Hey guys. Loved the reviews. I can't believe how many I have for this story. Only 6 more 'till 50!:D Now on to the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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Elijah Goldsworthy almost kissed me.

_Me. Clare Edwards._

So why do I feel so wrong. It felt right when we were about to, but now I feel hallow. Being with all those other guys makes my stomach churn, but being with Eli, it feels _real._ That scares me. We all wait for that special someone. Their soul mate. Sometimes we search and search, but some of us don't realize that person is there right under our noses. I don't believe in soul mates, but a person that makes you happy but overwhelmed at the same time, does mean something. I don't know where Eli and I stand, but I think he has some feelings for me. I know I do for him. Then again, every time I think of actually pursuing a relationship with him, I get that same hallow feeling.

While Alli and I walk down the boardwalks of different clothing stores, I don't seem interested. When I think about something, it stays in my head for a long time until I do something about it. That's the way I am. Shopping and talking can't keep me form the predicament I'm in. Alli doesn't seem to notice.

Even though Eli is not your average person, he still seems…_mysterious._ The night where he brought me to that place, I can't help but notice there's a past to that place, and my gut tells me it's not a good one. Why should I care anyways, Eli doesn't think of my past. I guess I'm becoming hypocritical now. The list just adds on….

"Clare?"

I looked to Alli, to see she was looking through one of those circular clothing racks outside of a store. Apparently I ended up across from her. Holding one of the hangers.

"Hmm?"

"You've been spaced out ever since I met up with you. Is everything okay?" She sounded concerned.

_So she did notice._

"Yeah. Everything's fine." I placed the hanger down and looked through the clothes.

"Okay, now that your done. Tell me the _real _reason."

She crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow. _She is not going to give up._

"Alli please. It's nothing." I pleaded.

She sauntered towards me, heels clinking in the process. She grabbed my arm and took me off the boardwalk.

"What are you doing? We're supposed to be shopping." I said as she still trudged me on the sidewalk.

Alli scoffed. "Yeah, and let my best friend be upset. Na ah."

I smiled. Alli really was the best friend anyone can wish for. She's gotten me through a lot. She lived back in Toronto with me when we were in high school. She was discovered a year after I was. Even though I hate this job with every fibre in my being, I'm glad Alli didn't get caught up with Drew's side _business._ Guilt washes through me by not telling Alli the_ whole _truth. I desperately want to tell her, but if she found out, she would know what happened a long time ago and know what I've been doing for Drew since he's started blackmailing me.

Alli stopped at one of the tables outside of a restaurant. She sat down and motioned me to sit in front of her.

I sat down and sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. Clare I don't like when your upset. It reminds me when…never mind." She finished quickly.

I sighed. "Alli, have you ever heard of the photographer Elijah Goldsworthy?"

Alli's eyes perked up. "Do I? He's only one of the most sexy, dark and mysterious photographers in Los Angeles."

I blinked a few times. _Was I the only person who never heard of him before? _"Yeah him. Well, he's been hired by Drew and we've been hanging out lately…."

Her eyes widened. A smile formed on her face. "Clare Diane Edwards. Has Elijah Goldsworthy swept you off your feet." She let out a sigh.

I groaned. "Alli do you have to?"

"Yep, now tell me what's so wrong about liking him?"

I drew in a breath and let it out. "It's just…we haven't really done anything exactly. I mean he almost kissed me this morning-"

"And what stopped you?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh well, this friend of mine called me and wanted to go shopping."

When she realized who I was talking about, she slid back in her seat and mouthed an "oh."

"Sorry about that." She looked at me nervously.

I laughed. "It's okay Alli, that's not why I'm upset. It's just, after Eli left, I felt hallow inside. Like something dragged out of me." I tried to explain.

"Maybe this is a sign."

"A sign?"

"Your feelings towards him are not playful, but serious."

It was hard to talk to her about this. Since she didn't know the whole story, but I'll just deal with it right now. Maybe Alli was right.

"Maybe. Thanks Alli. I'm glad I have you as a best friend."

"Awe Clare." She got up and ran to me, bringing me in her arms.

I smiled but it was far from happy.

**xXx**

"Alright ladies, take 5." said Adam from the cat walk.

It was the next morning and I went to the studio to talk to Adam. Maybe he'll know more about Eli.

"Adam." He turned around as I called his name. He smiled and jumped off the platform.

"Clare, nice to see you. Are you hear to visit little ole' me?"

I smiled, "Of course. But I wanted to talk to you about something."

He placed his clipboard on a table. "I'm all ears."

"Do you find Eli…mysterious?"

Adam didn't respond. He just stared at me. Then his bottom lip started to quiver as he bursted out in laughter.

I was taken aback by his action.

"Now…that…is rich." He said between laughter.

"Well, I just feel there's something he's hiding."

Adam stooped laughing immediately. His stance turned weary and isolated. "No, he's not. Listen I know you and Eli have become close, but he does have space issues."

_Space issues?_ He's never mentioned it or shown me he had. "What do you mean?"

"Eli likes you. He does and I'm glad he's found someone after.-look don't worry about it."

I frowned. "Why are you changing the subject? Adam I know you're not tell-"

"Just the two people I've been looking for." Said a familiar voice from behind.

I froze at the sound of the voice. I looked to Adam to see he had the same expression on his face as me. _Oh shit._

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_**I think you guys know who that voice is;) Reviews would be lovely.**


	8. True Colours

**Don't hate me. I am SO SO SO SO sorry for the month late update, but I'm here now! Thank you for the reviews! You guys broke the record for 50 reviews!:D I'm so happy. I love how everyone guessed who the person was that walked in on Clare and Adam. You'll find out who it it.;) Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer:I do not own Degrassi.**

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(Clare POV)

My palms started to sweat as I stared towards Adam. A sign to help. He still held the same expression as before. Shocked. I slowly turned around, noticing Eli making his way towards us with a smile on his face. I plastered a fake smile on my face once he stopped in front of us.

"Hey. I wasn't interrupting anything was I?" Eli asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"_No_." Adam and I answered in unison.

I looked to Adam as he looked to me. His eyes were trying to tell me something, but I turned back to Eli before the situation becomes suspicious.

Eli had confusion written on his face, but shook his head and dismissed it.

"Ok, Clare. You ready for today?" Eli looked to me with excitement on his face.

Now I was confused. "For what?"

"Today we are doing a colour shoot." He explained.

"which colours?" I asked.

"All different kinds. You'll find out after." He winked, walked to the cat walk and jumped up, disappearing in the back.

My mouth slightly parted in surprise. I looked back at Adam, to just see him standing with his hands in his pockets.

I suddenly remembered what we were talking about earlier and decided to reproach the subject.

"Adam….."

"Torrez! We have a problem…..with the girls," yelled his assistant, Wesley, from the back.

Adam sighed in frustration. He looked back to me and smiled apologetically. "Duty calls." He touched my arm. "I'll see you later."

Before I could respond, he was already gone.

I sighed and leaned against a table, placing a hand on the side of my head.

_Great work Clare._

X000000X_  
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The shoot was basically me and a few other models in different shades of colours. Going from pink to red, from orange to yellow, and from green to blue. It was pretty interesting. The different depths and angles Eli shot was very thorough. I was impressed. Even though the shoot was a success, I still couldn't let go of the nagging thought of how Adam was acting earlier. The way he would cut his sentences short when he thought he was about to say too much about something. How Eli _supposedly _has space issues. I need to talk to Eli about this. I just really need to know what he's hiding before it drives me insane. Wow hypocrite much, I want to find out about Eli's dark secrets when he probably doesn't even wonder about my private issues.

Ugh! I'm so conflicted. I know that I can't leave this alone though. Maybe I can just casually ask him and if he doesn't want to tell me, he doesn't have to. That sounds okay. Right? Why am I afraid to know the answer? This is Eli. I mean he's funny, cute…I barely know anything about him. Look at me! I've fallen for someone I hardly know! This is completely wrong and unrealistic. I need to take things slower. Maybe I could just stay friends with Eli. But I know that there is something between us. Something that's more than just friends. It is completely terrifying me. I just need to calm down and talk to Eli about this.

I walked out of my dressing room and made my way to the cat walk. Eli told me he was going to hang out with Adam for a while before he leaves. I hope he's still there. When I entered the room. I noticed Eli sitting on the long platform, with his head bowed. I hope everything's okay. I walk over to him, his head perks up when he hears me. His eyes gave me a cold look. I'm slightly taken a back by his sudden mood change.

"Hey, is everything okay?" I ask, as I pull my self on the platform beside him.

He doesn't respond. He just returned his gaze back to the ground. I grow worried and placed my hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"Why do you have to be in people's business?" He asked, venom in his tone.

I flinched as he abruptly jumped from the platform. He paced back and forth as his hands balled into fists. He was starting to scare me. Adam probably talked to him. I wish he wouldn't have. I wanted to talk to Eli about this. I'll just have to see what I can do to fix this. I jumped off the platform and stopped in front of him.

"Please Eli, calm down. I just wanted to talk to you." I tried to plead.

He scoffed. "Talk to me about what?"

There really must be something that happened to Eli in the past, since this subject is really upsetting him. I just want him to understand that he can talk to me. Or he can trust me. But by the looks of it, I think he has trust issues.

"I know what I talked to Adam wasn't any of my business-"

"Your right. It wasn't any of your _business._" He snapped.

"But there's something between us Eli and I'm trying to understand where we go from this point."

He chuckled harshly. "Something…between _you _and _me_. I'm the photographer. You're the model. That's as close as a relationship there will be between us."

The words slashed through me like a knife. Why was he being like this? The cold structure of his face. The way he looked at me like I was the most loathed thing in the Universe. This wasn't him. Then again, how would I know. For all I knew, Eli could've been acting sincere the whole time and this was his true colours. I stepped back a little, feeling suffocated from the tension in the air. Suddenly a fire sparked through me. A flame, scorching it's way out. I balled my hands into fists and started to breath heavily.

"You can lie all you want, but I _know _there is something between us." I spat.

He stared me down for a moment. His sinfully dark green eyes burning through my mine. Moments later he relaxed his rigid position and closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I led you on."

He turned sharply and left the room, leaving me utterly alone.


	9. Worthless

**What's this? A new update in three days? Yep! It sure is. I was amazed by the reviews I received for last chapter, so I had to post. Also I felt really bad for not posting for a month, so I give you guys a treat.:D Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

(ClarePOV)**  
**

I stood there. Waiting for the scene to replay and end on a good note. Of course that didn't happen. The anger was still simmering through me as I stomped out of the cat walk and to my dressing room. I wasn't controlling my steps or what I was doing. Only red was at the corners of my eyes. Falling for him was a mistake. Thinking I could have a small possible chance at a normal life was irrational. I wasn't meant to have peace or be happy. For the people who say "Life is good," they are dead wrong. We, humans, are all stuck in ruts that we can't bust out of. Life's a prison. Elijah Goldsworthy made that pretty clear. He made me so happy, so calm, so _normal_, for once. But then he took that all away. Everything. What is he hiding? I refuse to believe that he only led me on. There has to be more to it. He was fine this morning.

Before I knew it, I was speeding in my car. To where? I didn't know, but I had to leave. Everything was suffocating. Angry tears ran down my face, making me viciously swipe them away. I grip the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white, losing all feel towards them. It helps. Feeling numb. Then I won't have to worry about loud and rough things to deal with. Like these emotions. Anger, sadness, confusion, frustration. What good will this lead to? The answer is nothing. As I arrive to my destination, it only proves my statement.

When he answers, I push him inside, my lips already attached to his. His lips were surprised and non-responding at first, but soon he responds even eagerly as he wraps his arms around my waist. I hear the door slam shut as he pushes me against the wall. Anger and fire boils in the kiss. I pull away from him and look into his eyes. They were already fogged over with lust. I take his hand and pull him to his room. I close the door and push him on the bed. I pull off my top as I climb on the bed and straddle his waist….

**X00000X**

What. Have. I. Done? I abruptly sat up and felt the satin covered sheets covering my naked body…._Oh no. No. No._ I look around the room, trying to realize where I am. I look over to my left and see _his _body next mine. The covers covering his lower body, leaving his chest exposed. His smug smile has my stomach churning.

"What happened?" I asked quietly, afraid to know the answer.

He pulled his arms out and stretched them, making them flex in certain places. "Well you came over…. and basically attacked me." He smiled in a devious way.

I groaned as my back fell to the bed. _Stupid. Stupid! Stupid!_ This was a mistake. It should've never happened. I can only see Drew's proud grin. I grimaced in disgust. I've finally became what he wanted. I can't lose myself. I won't. I need to fix this.

I pulled the covers back and hurriedly grabbed my clothes, which were strewn all over the room, making me blush. When I pulled on my jeans, I looked over to him.

"You can't tell anyone about this. Understand." I gave him a warning look.

He placed his hands behind his head, with the smug smile still plastered over his face. "Whatever you say honey."

"Don't call me that, and this _never _happens again." Once I finished dressing, I turned around and walk to the door, once I had my hand on the knob, he called me back.

I reluctantly turned around. "Yes?"

"You can always come back."

"Goodbye Declan."

I bolted to my car, getting away from this place as fast as I could. Maybe if I don't think about it, I can pretend it never happened. Like that is going to work. I drive home as my fingers tap my steering wheel nervously. He's probably going to tell Drew. Drew will be happy and will pay me. I don't want his money. I don't deserve anything at this rate. Except an explanation from a _certain _someone. No. I will not think about him. Thinking of him just causes new emotions to surface through me.

When I reach my house, I enter in rage. I smash a lamp and a few set pieces. I didn't care. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing.

"You really are worthless! No one loves _you_! No one!" I scream to myself as I kick the wall. I feel a sob choke at the back my throat, making me slide down the wall. I roughly scraped my cheeks as the tears overflow. I gasped as my breathing became shallow. The sobbing became uncontrollable as I brought my knees up to my chest.

I pushed myself up, and dragged myself to my room. I plopped down on the bed and curled up. I felt myself grow dizzy and exhaustion kicked in. I kicked off my shoes before huddling my body up. The whole house was quiet, but it was anything but peaceful. Everything was becoming blurry.

"_Your love, your love…is my drug! Your love, your love, your love_."

I pull out my phone and noticed Drew's name on the caller id. I throw the phone across the room, making it smash into pieces. I laid on my back and looked up at the ceiling.

_**RING! RING! RING!**_

After the third ring, my voice came on the answering machine, making me make a noise of disgust. Drew's fuming voice came over the line. I laughed at his voice, even though it wasn't that funny. I stumble over my night table and pick up the phone.

"What?"

"_I need you at the studio. Right now."_

"I can't."

"_I don't care. Get over here. Now!"_

"Go to hell Drew."

I drop the phone and lye back down. Blackness soon consumes me.


	10. Trust

**Hey guys! I know that I'm updating a little late...but I want to let you guys know that I won't be updating frequently on this story. No, I'm not giving up, I know exactly where I'm going with this story, it's just I want to finish my other stories first. It tends to get stressful when you're working on 4 different stories at the same time.:/ I want to be completely 100 % focused for this story because it's going to have a lot of DRAMA in the future. If you check my profile, you'll see in order how I will update. Anyways, thank you for the fantastic reviews. I love the opinions I'm receiving from people, and being called an incredible writer:D, that just makes me ecstatic! So thank you. Enjoy my lovely readers:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

(ClarePOV)**  
**

When I woke up, it was morning. I was still in my clothes. My head hurt and I still felt exhausted. My body felt uncomfortable and invaded for not changing into my comfy pajamas last night, but I was too tired. Everything was a blur yesterday. It felt like I was watching the world from the other side of a glass. It went on and on while I jut watched and hoped it would stop and wait for me. That didn't happen.

I suddenly panicked when I realized what happened yesterday. I slept with Declan. _Declan Coyne_. With no money attached. I told Drew to go to hell. I didn't go to the studio when he demanded me to. Shit! I am in so much trouble.

I pulled the covers back and swung my legs over the bed, hopping out if it. I went to the bathroom and analyzed my appearance. In retrospect: I looked like shit. Dark circles were under my eyes, my skin was paler then usual, and my overall face looked..._sick_. To make matters worse, it was time to purge.

I went on my knees and pulled up the toilet seat. I sighed shakily before I shoved two fingers down my throat. It wasn't helping, but I pushed deeper and felt bile climb it's way. I heaved into the toilet; liquid pouring out of my mouth. The tears sprung from my eyes as I finished. I brushed my teeth afterwards and started to get ready.

When I was on my way to the studio, I was a little nervous. Drew was going to kill me. Or worse, make me do another "favour" for him. Or maybe that was why he wanted me there yesterday all along; to do a favour. I groaned as I pulled up in the studio parking lot.

When I entered the huge building, I walked to the cat walk. I knew Drew would be there, fixing up the models, helping set up for the next show, he always lend an extra hand. He was always _so_ helpful. Bastard.

When I entered the cat walk, Drew spotted me right away. He pointed a huge glare toward me as he marched in my direction. I gulped as I waited.

"Do you have any idea how much shit you caused yesterday!" His voice was full of venom and hatred.

"I know. I'm sorry...I just wasn't feeling-"

Drew's loud scoff interrupted me. "Oh you do, do ya? Did you know that the models had an important meeting yesterday? Or that the photographer that your supposed to be working for just left," he said in hysterics.

I was stunned by his behaviour. Yes, I've seen Drew made before, but he wasn't only mad right now. He was nervous. That meeting must of been linked to executives so important, Drew probably didn't even know their names.

I knew that Drew was talking about Eli. I can't believe Eli left...because of me. It pained me to think that he wanted nothing to do with me. Not even modeling wise. He didn't even want to resolve the issue.

I looked over and noticed the models staring at Drew and I. Adam was there too. I quickly turned away. Not wanting to see his face. Drew was still upset.

He stepped forward, his body towering over mine. "Why did he leave? Were you not good enough in bed?"

My eyes widened at his words. How _dare_ he say that to me! Drew might've been a pig, jerk and many other things negative on the vocabulary, but he has never been so viscous with me about what I do for him. He has crossed a line. I felt tears fall down my cheeks as I turned around and walked out of the catwalk. I was humiliated enough already. I will not stay for more.

I opened my change room and placed my back against the door after I closed it. I need to do something. To fix this. Everything is going into chaos and I can't even stop it. I wish Elijah Goldsworthy never came to this studio. Everything would've been normal. Yet, nothing was ever normal before he showed up. I'm a fucking prostitute for god sakes. That's all I'll ever be.

A loud knocking against my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I closed my eyes, tears still streaming down my face, as I waited for the person to leave.

"Clare, please open the door. It's Adam."

I opened my eyes. "Go away!" I said as I slid down to the ground.

"Please."

I knew Adam wouldn't leave until I opened the door, so I pushed myself up and was greeted by a solemn looking Adam. I crossed my arms over my chest, not even bothering to wipe my face. I was pretty upset with Adam. It was partially his fault why Eli was mad at me. He told Eli that I have been asking questions about his past.

"What do you want?" I tried to sound threatening but turned out to be quivering.

Adam sighed. "Look, I know Eli is pissed, but it's not towards you."

_Really? It sure seemed like it was towards me, since he basically yelled at me and rejected me._

I snorted. "You weren't there," I said as I walked to my chair. I heard Adam's footsteps shuffle behind.

"Eli will come back. He'll explain to you what is going on."

I turned sharply. "Why don't _you_ tell me?"

"It's not my place to say."

I huffed and turned towards the mirror. I did hope that Eli came back. I longed to see him. His dark hair, his green eyes...I sound like a sap. But Eli was the only person that made me feel okay about this world. He kept me stable. It might sound weird or stupid, but its true. I was happy when he was here. Having to see his face when I came through the studio, made me excited for the first time to even enter this building.

Through my mirror, I noticed Adam was still here. He looked like he was trying to ask me something, but was too afraid to ask.

"Look...I've noticed that when you were with Drew, you looked upset, and it looked like it was more than just missing the meeting yesterday," he said.

I looked at him through the mirror, he looked back. I knew he was trying to find out why Drew made me so upset. He's starting to get suspicious. I wiped my face and turned around.

"You're just over analyzing things." I smiled softly.

Adam wasn't fooled. "You would tell me if there was anything going on, right?"

That moment, I realized Adam wanted me to tell him. To tell him what his brother does to me, what he makes me do for him. I have a chance to finally tell someone. But I can't. I can't tell him that his brother is blackmailing me by prostitution. It would crush him. Adam knows that Drew could be a prick sometimes. Adam was actually one of the first people to know about Drew's and I relationship. When Drew first discovered me, the 17, naive girl I was, fell for him. He was amazing at first. We were inseparable and happy. Adam didn't understand why i was with Drew when I first met him. I was a little confused why he would say that about his brother, but months and months later, I realized. But Adam doesn't know entirely what his brother is capable of, which is why I can't tell him.

I nodded. "Of course Adam. You have nothing to worry about."

He smiled wearily before walking over to me and grabbing my shoulders until I stood up. "What was that for?" I asked.

He grinned and wrapped an arm around me. "You need to cheer up," we started walking out of my dressing room. "And what better way to cheer you up then Adam Torres."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Sure, what would I do without my knight in shining _Diesel_?" I said sarcastically, laughing at Adam's mock hurt face.

A smile soon formed on Adam's face. "Well you would-" his eyes widened as he looked straight ahead.

I raised my eyebrows in confusion as I traveled where his gazed was pointed. I felt my heart pounce at the sight of Eli at the entrance. He was staring right at us. It felt like I haven't seen him in months, when in reality, it was only a day. His expression was unreadable, but his stance showed determined. I felt light headed as he walked over to us. I blinked a few times and swallowed. When he approached us, I waited for him to say something. If he wanted to talk to me, he could start the conversation.

"Hey," he simply stated.

_Hey? You left me yesterday and snapped my head off and then you come back and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is 'hey,' Well buddy, I've got a few more words to express to you then hey._

"Hi."

_Way to go Clare._

All three of us stood there awkwardly for a moment. I couldn't keep my eyes off Eli's. He was looking into mine also. I heard a clear of a throat and heard Adam faintly mutter he had somewhere he needed to be. Eli or I didn't look over to him as his presence left.

"Can I take you somewhere?" Eli asked.

I should slap him right now. To ask him what's with all the mixed signals? Why does he like to torment me? I should demand to know what his intentions are.

"Okay." I said.

I didn't take my eyes off him when we exited the building side by side, or when we were in the car. I hoped this would be the chance to make things better between us. For him to open up to me and realize that he can trust me. I felt comfortable being with Eli, being in his presence. It made hope flash in my system again, but I won't get too excited until I know for sure things will be okay. Before I realized, Eli was parked in the same parking lot of the place he took me to 3 days ago. I noticed Eli was staring though the windshield, his hands on the steering wheel.

"This was her place."

I looked over to Eli and was trying to understand the statement. "Who's?"

Eli closed his eyes. "Julia."

I sat there silent. That was the person he always talked about. This place...they came here. They were together. Realization dawned on me, making me gasp. She was gone. I saw that Eli was still frozen, his hands on the wheel.

"She was a model. I was the photographer. That night I saw her at _Fore Love._ She was 17. I was 17. I was the rookie. I knew that when I saw her, she would be mine. She was. All my photographs were about her. Even if the photo didn't have her face on it, she was always there in a small way," he took in a breath. "But then one night, she wasn't herself. I noticed she has been distant for a while, but I was too self-centered to realize. She wanted to break up. I didn't. Hateful words were said, tears were shed, then before I knew it. She was gone. She was hit by a car. Everything was gone after that. My whole world shattered."

I didn't realize until a tear dropped on my lip, that I was crying. I felt so _selfish._ I wanted to be with Eli. I wanted to know his deep, dark secret. Well I do now, and I don't feel any better. I feel worse. I pushed Eli to relive this, just so he could spare my pathetic feelings. I felt suffocated by my own stupidity. I looked out of the window to hide the tears falling down my face.

"You were right," said Eli.

"About what?" I asked, still looking out the window.

"There _is _something between us." I turned my head to him, his body was turned in my direction, his eyes gazing into mine. "Clare, I like you...a lot. But I don't deserve you."

I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him its the other way around._ I_ don't deserve _him_. I've been hiding things from him. I'm trash and disgusting. I'm a hypocrite. I should tell him to leave while he has the chance. But I can't. I need him. That's really selfish, but it's too late to go back.

"I like you too." I said in a small voice, the blush cascading over my cheeks.

He smiled softly, but there was still pain in his eyes. I knew that Julia was a sore subject for him and he still needed time to deal with things. I respect that. I want him to be okay. I want him to know how much he means to me.

"I'll wait for you." I said.

Another was smile on his face. I felt my heart flutter slightly as I smiled back.


	11. Ready

**I know its been around a month since I updated this story but I finished my other story so my focus will be on this one from now on. I mean more frequent updates. I hope there are some people who still like this story, because you guys mean a lot me. I also want to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. Enjoy my lovely readers:)**

**P.S. I have twitter: _yellow_12345 so if you guys want to know when I will post, I suggest you follow;)**

**Disclamier: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

(ClarePOV)

Weeks and weeks later on, here I was. In the studio with Eli. To the outside, one would think that everything was back to normal. It didn't. I feel that things stretched beyond normal. Ever since Eli opened up to me about Julia, a special bond developed between us. It's not visible to the naked eyes but it was there. Our photo shoots have become more personal and emotional. For once, I didn't exactly mind modelling because Eli made me feel beautiful in front of the camera. It was hard to explain but I loved the feeling. But aside from that Eli did go back to his flirty and witty ways. I was happy that everything was fine again. I told him I would wait, but I was slowly wondering if he would ever make the move. Don't get me wrong, I completely understood that Eli needed time, but I hoped he was still interested.

Eli looked over to me and smirked. I smiled in return as we were cleaning up from today's shoot. I felt relaxed and at ease until Drew barged into the room, his face fuming with anger. Oh boy.

After Drew insulted and humiliated me _that _day, he's been nothing but neutral towards me. He doesn't harass me or treat me like his slut, but he still makes me do _favours _for him. Every time I went to a different _client_, a small pit of guilt that gradually increases each time in my stomach because of Eli. We weren't exclusive, but we both had feelings for each other and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was cheating on him. Especially with my afternoon with Declan that one day.

"_Someone _didn't come to their scheduled fitting this morning," Drew barked while glaring at me.

_So much for being neutral._

"How do you know?" I asked.

Drew scoffed. "There were three spots to fill this morning, and I found out one person was missing. You were one of them." He spat.

Crap. I forgot to go the line. It's some stupid thing where three models from each section go to a fitting for upcoming shows at different places. Mine was today.

"I…"

"She was with me." Eli interrupted. "I needed help for today's shoot."

Drew took in a breath. "I don't care if she was with you. She was supposed to be at the line!"

My eyes widened at his sudden outburst. Eli didn't even flinch.

"Would you rather have Clare miss an important shoot, or some stupid fitting that could be rescheduled?" Eli raised an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Drew's face turned red with fury but he knew Eli won. He huffed and stormed put of the room, his cell phone already out. I looked back to Eli, a look of shock displaying my face. He only smirked and walked over to me. I backed up against the wall and was grateful no one else was in here.

"I can't believe you did that." I said. "If he finds out…"

"Lets not talk about that right now. Why don't we figure out a way of how you're going to thank me, for getting Drew off your trail." His face was smug.

I inwardly started to feel nervous but held my own smug look. "What'd you have in mind?"

"Well," he shrugged. "I don't know-"

He swooped down and captured my lips with his. I gasped and automatically placed my hands on his shoulders once he grabbed my waist, pulling me closer. He thrust his tongue in my mouth and I was too distracted to even comprehend what was going on. He pulled away and I was left dazed and staring at the ground.

"That was…"He started.

"…Yeah." I finished.

We stood there, listening to each others breathing. Numerous questions surfaced my mind: What did this mean? Was he finally ready? Or was that actually how he wanted me to thank him? _Don't be stupid Clare!_

"Clare?"

"Hmm?"

He pulled my hands into his. I looked into his eyes, curiosity in mine.

"I want to be with you." He said.

I tried to hide the scream of joy that threatened to escape my lips. I looked into his green eyes and couldn't find anything to say. I was too happy to express it in words. I smiled and looked down, the blush starting to cascade over my cheeks.

"A-Are you sure?" I mentally cursed myself for having those words coming out of my mouth.

I heard him chuckle, and I immediately snapped my head up.

"Yes, Clare. I'm sure."

I bit my lip and felt like asking Eli to take me away. My fantasies have been becoming very irrational at the latest but I could care less.

"Which reminds me, will you go out with me?" He asked in a sexy voice.

I nodded my head rapidly. "Yes."

He smirked and backed away before turning around and leaving the room, leaving me anxious and excited. I smiled as I exited the room moments later and didn't realize Drew was walking over to me.

"You better not forget next time." He warned in deadly voice, having my fluffy feelings to die away.

"I won't." I said.

"Good. Now I'm guessing you're keeping Goldsworthy satisfied," Drew's slimy voice said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well by the looks of your face just seconds before, its pretty self-explanatory." He stated.

I blinked and nodded wearily. "I guess." I walked past him and went to my dressing room.

.

.

"Alli, watch it before you poke my eyes out!"

It was 9:00 and I was getting ready for my date with Eli. He Didn't say where he was taking me which had the butterflies multiply in my stomach. I called Alli right away and we have been doing my hair and make up for the past two hours. I'm used to it, being a model and all but Alli was very aggressive with make-up. Very precise she was. Alli was just excited for the date as I was. She was happy that Eli and I finally were together. I still couldn't succumb to the idea though. I was finally getting some happiness in my life and I didn't want to ruin it.

"Well if you stayed still for one moment, maybe this wouldn't be so difficult," she said, smoothing the mascara brush over my eye lashes.

"I'm sorry! I'm just a little nervous." I admitted, my hands shaking in my lap.

Alli put the brush away before taking a seat on the bed next to me. Her big brown eyes looked into mine with concern.

"Clare, what's bothering you?" She asked gently.

I sighed. "It's just….I'm afraid that something will go wrong…" I looked back down at my hands.

"Clare. You're a good person. Don't be scared, you deserve to be happy."

I looked back to her and saw the reassuring smile on her face. _You deserve to be happy._ If only Alli knew what was really going on, she would probably not have said that, because in reality, I don't deserve to be happy. The things I do must be because I really am that awful.

"Thanks Alli." I said, pulling her into a hug.

She released and had a huge smile on her face. "No problem. Now lets see…" She analyzed my face and clapped her hands together. "Perfect."

She hopped off the bed and went behind me. She placed her hands over my shoulders and lead me to my mirror. I almost gasped as I saw myself.

I personally always thought I was average looking. I didn't think I was ugly, but I didn't think I was beautiful. But what Alli has done, I couldn't help but think different. My hair was curled the usual way, but the ends were more loose then usual. The light lip gloss shined over my lips and I couldn't get over how blue my eyes were. The light coat of mascara and eyeliner that Alli put on was contrasting my eyes amazingly. I looked at my light blue dress and black heels. Simple but flawless.

I smiled at my reflection and endlessly thanked Alli for the amazing job. The door knocked and I suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline enter my body.

"You'll lock the door on your way out right?" I asked as we walked to the front door.

Alli nodded. "Yeas Clare, now go." She gently pushed me to the door and I took a deep breath before opening it.

There he was, wearing his regular black skinny jeans, a black blazer with a grey shirt underneath. A black tie was wrapped around his neck and all I wanted to do was kiss him.

I noticed him analyze my figure from head to toe and I felt the heat rush up to my face.

"Wow Clare, you look….." He looked into my eyes and couldn't finish his sentence.

"Thanks." I smiled.

We left and I waved Alli goodbye. Eli opened the door of his hearse for me and we took off after he slid in the drivers side.

The ride was quiet and I was only thinking of where he was going to take me. It was dark out and the lights on the streets were glowing tonight.

I would glance over at Eli a few times and smile to myself. I was ready for him. Wherever he takes me, wherever he wants to take _this_, I'll be ready. I felt safe with Eli. I wasn't very dependent on people but Eli stabilized me. He was the only thing in my life at the moment that kept me sane. He doesn't know it, but I need him more then anything.

"And we are here." Eli said.

I looked outside the window but all I could see was the dark. I pinned my eyebrows together in confusion but exited the car anyways. Eli lead me to a door and before I knew it, we were climbing up stairs. When we reached a landing, Eli opened the door and let me enter first.

My eyes widened and my lips parted as I took in the amazing view before me. We were on a roof, the view of Los Angeles stretched in front of us. I never thought L.A. was pretty. It was fake filled with fake people. But I couldn't get over how it looked at night time with all the lights on.

I noticed two lit candles in the centre of the rooftop and a picnic basket. I walked over to it and smiled as I sat down on the blanket that was sprawled underneath the basket. Eli sat across from me and opened the basket.

Any dessert you could think of was in that basket, I was mentally swooning at how romantic he was. I happily took a chocolate cupcake but reminded myself what was in store later after eating this.

"Where did you find this place?" I asked.

"If I tell you, then it wouldn't be a secret now would it?" He smirked.

I playfully stuck my tongue out and he chuckled.

"So Clare, tell me, where are you originally from?" He asked.

"Why, planning on stalking my hometown Elijah?" I teased.

"Something along those lines." He winked.

I laughed and said, "Toronto."

His eyes glinted. "Canada? I was from Canada too."

"Really? Whereabouts?"

"Alberta, I left when I was 16." He popped a strawberry in his mouth and I couldn't stop staring at how good he looked when he chewed.

"Why did you leave?"

"To pursue my photographer career. I was lucky I've ended up this far." He smiled.

We talked more about our backgrounds, but I narrowly avoided talking about Drew. I could not tell Eli about what happened. He would leave me for sure. I hated that I wasn't able to tell him but it was out of the question.

Besides that, the night was perfect. The lights were shining, and my stomach was fluttering. No man has ever made me feel this way before and I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But Eli and I would work through it, together.


	12. Paris

**Hello my lovely readers! Thank you for the amazing reviews:) Now this chapter is another fluffy one but The drama starts next chapter:P I hope you enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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(ClarePOV)

My phone buzzed as I emptied the remains of my breakfast in the toilet. My head was pounding and my eyes were burning. I sat on the bathroom floor and tried to push away the sudden uneasiness I was feeling. Lately, I haven't been feeling any better after I purge. I wish I could just go stop.

I picked up my phone and my eyes bulged when I read the text.

_Clare, I've been thinking about you lately and I think we should meet up._

_-Declan_

I closed my phone and was tempted to smash on the hard, cold, floor. But I knew that would be bad, since I only broke my other phone a month ago. Why did he have to contact me? We haven't spoken since _that _day and all of the sudden he wants to meet up? I've been avoiding Drew's favours ever since I went steady with Eli. I think I convinced Drew when I told him Eli has been _very _satisfied with me. That made his slimy persona break out. He seemed happy and that meant he wouldn't bother me.

Honestly though, Eli and I never had sex yet. Our relationship was progressing slowly but I loved it. I felt like I was having the high school relationship I never had. He was so sweet and caring towards me. He made me feel normal for once. Its been a couple of weeks since our first date but I could feel myself falling for him.

I didn't know if he felt the same way and I was too afraid to admit it, especially since our relationship was this premature, but I couldn't control it. He doesn't realize what an amazing guy he is and it saddens me that he lives everyday with the memory of his ex-girlfriend being dead.

So when I see this text message, I couldn't help but feel like I betrayed him. He can never know what happened.

I close the text and pocket my phone before I start to get ready.

.

.

"Thank you everyone for coming today. This is a very important meeting and it's essential that you hear it."

Drew might have been a slimy, sleazy, asshole but he knew how to speak public announcements. I looked at the 70 other people in the room and noticed they were looking intently at Drew. I didn't know at all what he brought us here for but it was official model business, so I didn't have to worry about him forcing his favours on me.

I looked across the room and saw Eli staring at me. I smiled and he smirked in return. I bit my bottom lip and turned back to Drew. I could feel Alli's gaze on me; a smug look plastered on her face. I kept my gaze on Drew's as he was babbling on and on.

"….I want to inform everyone that we will be going to Paris next month….."

My eyes widened. _Paris? As in Paris, France? _I looked at Alli to see she had the exact same expression on her face. Oh my god! I can't believe this is happening.

"….For three weeks but it is for an important event. It will be held at the _Fleur de lis _and every model will be in it. Photographers, directors, and others will have other jobs to do as well. There will be a few more meetings based on the trip, such as, where we're staying, fittings, etc…."

I tuned Drew out and could only think how amazing this trip is going to be. Three weeks in Paris. With Adam, Ali, and Eli. I couldn't help but look in his direction again and watched as he paid closely attention to Drew's words, something I should probably be doing.

"Clare." Alli poked my arm and I realized that the room was almost completely empty.

Eli was making his way over to us and Drew and Adam were talking from across the room.

"Sorry," I said.

"Isn't this trip going to be exciting?" Alli said, cheeriness coloured her tone.

"I know. It's going to be so much fun." I gushed.

"I know I will be having fun," whispered husky voice in my ear.

I shivered and turned around, and saw Eli staring intently at me, more like suggestively. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him but that would be inappropriate.

I could hear Alli mutter how we are not very subtle with our loving stares but I was too engulfed in his green orbs, I couldn't tear myself away.

"Oh great, they're at it again," said the voice of Adam.

I looked away and blushed, turning to look at Adam. "Sorry Adam-"

"Clare, may I speak to you for a moment."

I stiffened at Drew's tone a voice. Anyone would think it was professional, but I knew better. He was straining his voice because he wanted to yell at me so badly but couldn't in front of people.

I walked over to him and could feel all eyes on me.

"Yeah Drew?" I said.

"You think you can stop doing favours for me just because you're fucking Goldsworthy?" He whispered harshly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yes. I do."

His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened. "Listen you _bitch_, I could easily fire this ass in a heartbeat. You want to lose the best fuck you've ever had?" He spat in a hushed tone.

My heart split at the threat. I had to convince him that he is dead wrong. I couldn't have Eli leave. If he did, hell will come back for me and punish me for leaving it in the first place. Hell is Drew.

I crossed my arms over my chest and said, "You want to lose the best photographer you've ever had? If you haven't _noticed_, Eli is one of the best photographers that's ever joined this studio. It would be awfully suspicious and not to mention _stupid _for you to fire an asset. Hmmm…."

I walked away, leaving a stunned and probably fuming Drew. I was more shocked then him for even saying those words but he knew I was right and would probably shut his mouth and leave me alone. Eli, Alli and Adam were looking at me as I stopped in front of them. I shrugged and then Eli and Alli started to engage in conversation but Adam was looking at me. I tried to talk with Eli and Alli but I could feel Adams stare penetrating through me.

.

.

"Oh my god! We are actually here!"

"Alli…..I have. A headache."

"Come on Adam this is so exciting though!"

"I am going to kill myself at any moment."

I giggled at the banter between Alli and Adam. We were driving around in Paris to the hotel; our plane just landed an hour ago. Paris was more beautiful then any picture or video I've seen of it. I could understand why Alli would be very excited but I did feel sorry that Adam has a headache.

I've did my best to avoid being alone with Adam, because if we were alone, he would most definitely question me about what happened with Drew last month. I knew Adam has been growing suspicious and I'm not good under pressure, so I would probably end up spilling to him, which is _not _an option.

On the other hand though, me and Eli's relationship has been going strong. Our dates have been becoming more amazing and-dare I say-more _heated._ Our simple kisses have been becoming heavy make outs. No guy has ever made me feel this dizzy from kissing someone. This man makes me feel so many things that I can't even explain.

I avert my gaze from the passenger window and look at Eli. He was driving the car but he still glanced over to me, a smirk on his face. I felt my heat flutter and I smiled looking back out the window. The others were in other cars, split up into groups. I was extremely thankful that Drew was not with us.

Drew has not spoken to me directly after our little 'disagreement' and I couldn't be more grateful. I've been having a peaceful month and was about to have an exciting trip. I don't need that scumbag to ruin it. But in the back of my mind, I still keep thinking about the text Declan sent me. I haven't responded and he hasn't bothered me after that, but it makes me think why?

"Clare?"

I turned to Eli.

"We're here."

Once we got out of the car, I looked at the 30 story high hotel before my eyes. The golden exterior and glass windows made my eyes bulge. I've been around extravagant things before, but nothing like this.

A man in a green and brown suit came prancing towards us. He held out his hand and introduced himself. He was the bell hop and was here to take our luggage.

"Oh no, that won't be necessary sir." I said.

"Not a problem Ms. Edwards, its my job." He scurried away before I could protest even more.

Eli took my hand in his and we walked to the hotel with Alli and Adam behind. The room we're on was the 30th floor. Some were on the 29th floor. Everyone gets their own room, but I brought Eli to my room after our luggage was settled in.

"You know we should probably be going to the lounge and meet up with everyone." Eli said as I pushed him on my bed.

"Oh…well I think they can survive." I smiled as I climbed on top of him, straddling his waist.

"You make a good point." He murmured as he grabbed my hips.

I smiled in victory before leaning down and pressing my lips to his. He instantly tugged on my bottom lip and I opened my mouth, and his tongue darted in. I squealed in surprise when he flipped us over, his body over powering mine. I grabbed a fistful of his hair in my hands and played my tongue with his.

_**Buzz! Buzz!**_

I could feel Eli groan against my lips from the sound of my phone vibrating.

"Ignore it." Eli breathed over my lips.

I wanted to, his lips inches from mine and his body over mine, it was tempting but I knew it was Alli and she will _not _leave me alone until I answer.

"I can't." I said, and Eli sighed in defeat before manoeuvring off of me.

I took out my phone and flipped it open.

_Emergency! Get your butt down here now!_

_-Alli_

"I have to go to Alli's room. I'll be back."

I kissed him on the cheek before leaving the room. In the elevator, I went to the 29th floor, even though it was one floor, I was too lazy to use the stairs.

When the door opened, no words could explain to what was waiting for me.


	13. Shocking truth

**Hey guys! I would've updated sooner but school has been hectic. Summatives and studying for exams is just too stessful.:/ So I wouldn't expect an update right away after this one. I still have full week of school left and then exams. Ugh. Anyways, I loved everyones reviews! You guys are amazing and as I said on twitter, this chapter is the breaking point, or drama filled, you'll see. I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter.:)**

**I would like to dedicate this chapter to user KitKat0219 for her amazing reviews that always make me smile.:)**

**Disclamier: I do not own Degrassi.**

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(ClarePOV)

"What are you doing here?" I asked, shocked.

I couldn't fathom why he was here, especially since he's been rummaging through my thoughts for quite some time.

He smiled and his blue eyes twinkled. "I was invited."

"By who-Drew!" I said, hysterically.

"You rang," Drew's voice echoed through the hallway.

I turned my head, Drew was walking towards us, pride and smugness all over his face, including a slimy grin. _Something wasn't right._

"Why did you invite _him_?" I screeched in horror.

Drew still held the slimy grin-if it were even possible, I could've sworn it grew.

"Declan _is _a model executive, I felt like he had the _right_ to be here." Drew replied, emphasizing every word fluently.

I eyed Declan as he still smiled at me, suggestively. I couldn't come to grips what Drew had up his sleeve because I knew he did have something planned. What if he found out about Declan and I? Or Eli and I?

"What's the matter Clare, something bothering you?" Drew's voice taunted.

My eyes averted to the ground and I shook my head. I needed to go. Go find Alli. She was waiting for me.

"Excuse me, but I have to go find Alli." I kept my head bowed as I past the two men and walked down the hall.

Before I reached her door, I clashed against a slender chest and fell flat on my butt.

"Clare, I am so sorry. Are you okay?" The voice of Adam echoed through my ears.

"I'm fine." I grabbed his outstretched hand and he helped me up. "Thanks."

"Hey," he grabbed my arm as I walked past him.

"Yeah," I said, turning to face him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" A trace of concern was pronounced in his voice.

I nodded. "Adam I'm fine, I just need to go see Alli." I gently released my arm from his grip and went to Alli's room before he stopped me once more.

.

.

The event was happening in less then thirty minutes and I was getting ready in the humongous dressing room that the producer distributed to the models. The sounds of small feet prancing around the room as the models finished last adjustments on their outfits was making my-already aching-headache to grow more painful. I haven't eaten anything today-no scratch that-I haven't eaten for the past _couple _of days. My mind and nerves have been too preoccupied by this event that my hunger slowly dissolved to a pit in my stomach. I've been paler then usual and I look like crap.

But the magic of make up always fixes these problems. I may look stunning to the outsiders eye but on the inside I feel like crap. These past three weeks have been resolved around sight seeing with Alli, Adam, and Eli during the day, and at night, Eli and I would enjoy a cozy night together. It truly was amazing but I had to do my very best to avoid Declan and Drew. The confrontation between the two of them made me walk on egg shells.

I sighed shakily and fixed the top of my outfit. My reflection in my mirror was mocking me; my appearance looked incredibly fake and doll-like. I honestly didn't want to go through with this. The tension and pressure that revolves around it, I can feel my headache growing painful by the moment.

"Nervous?"

I instantly relaxed when the soothing voice echoed through my ears. I closed my eyes and slumped my shoulders comfortably as I felt his soft breath tickle my skin. I opened my eyes and is reflection was beside me. He was bent down, his lips to my ear.

"You really want me to answer that?" I said, looking at his reflection.

He smirked before swinging my chair around to face him. I looked at him curiously as he placed his hands on either side of my chair.

"Don't be." He simply said.

"I'll be fine knowing that you're here." I admitted.

He smiled before leaning down. I stretched up to kiss his lips but was left waiting in the air. I opened my eyes and saw one of the many fashion directors pulling Eli away.

"You will ruin the models' make up!" Complained the director.

Eli rolled his eyes and winked at me as he was left from the dressing room. I turned around back to the mirror.

"Clare Edwards, we need you now!" The shrill voice of the other fashion director spoke through the change room.

I locked eyes with my reflection once more. "Show time Clare."

.

.

The event was a success. Well by success I mean, no one slipped up, the models were focused and driven. I was one of those models. One would call my performance tonight, perfect. I'll have to admit, it did take effort to walk down the curved run way with 4 inch spiked heels. My performance was effortless nonetheless because people _know _that I'm natural at this. They _expect _me to be like this. They don't know that this isn't natural to me and I'm just a really good at hiding things. Including the headache that has mercilessly grown into a migraine. It was still pounding but no one suspected. How could they? The after party of the event seem to have grown twice as more people then before and twice the more ignorance. All around, I see these people who shoot dirty glances and down their champagne bottles with ease.

The life of being famous.

The ballroom was filled with golden tables arrayed in very corner, along with silver chairs. People were lounged on them, taking in the bodies of rich people as they ate their appetizing snack. Some models were at the tables while others were mingling with important executives. Alli was chatting with one while Adam stayed closely by her. I spotted Drew and Declan at the other side of the room. They were talking very discreetly with a big man in a black suit. I couldn't stop the shiver crawling down my spine. I quickly shifted my gaze and tried to find the one person I was looking for ever since I was finished the show. I quickly smoothed my sleek dress and greeted passer byres as I waited. But as I look, there is something _extremely _familiar about some of these men…

"There you are."

I turned around and smiled. He walks up to me with a smirk on his face and I want him to wrap his arms around me, but I can't risk _some _people seeing us.

"Did you like the show?" I said, a tint of nervousness in my stomach.

"Some moments were too extravagant, some models were ditzy, but _you _were amazing."

I smiled shyly. "Wouldn't that be a little bias?"

"Absolutely." He chuckled, smugly.

I playfully rolled my eyes before ushering him towards the door. He didn't question and I led him to a long secluded hallway, with golden and beige walls with brown carpet.

I pushed him against the wall and pressed my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around me and responded eagerly to the kiss. His tongue slipped inside my mouth and I realized how much I missed him. I was on that platform for two hours(breaks included) and I couldn't have his security near me. But now, being in his arms and knowing he missed me too, I felt relaxed.

Eli pulled away but his lips were still hovering over mine and he kept his eyes closed.

"You really _were _amazing tonight Clare," he breathed.

My cheeks heated up and my blush cascaded all around. "Thanks, but I'm just glad its over."

"Why," he said finally opening his eyes, to stare intently into mine.

I hesitated for a moment. I didn't want him to think I was some obsessive freak if he knew it was because I missed him. I can't handle that right now, especially with my headache pounding more and more by the minute.

"You know me, I'm not really into the whole modeling thing most of the time…." _More like all the time. _"And I kind of missed you." My face was scarlet as I whispered the last words.

I felt his hold tighten on me, and my nerves calmed but my headache didn't.

"Why are you so afraid to tell me that?" He said, softly.

I was looking down at my hands on his chest; too afraid to look him in the eyes. I finally mustered enough courage and almost gasped at the sight. His smug and indifferent features were gone, replaced with the vulnerable and pained looking Eli I saw the day he told me about Julia.

I suddenly felt dizzy and had to close my eyes for a moment to stop the world from spinning. Once I opened my eyes, he was still looking at me, waiting.

"I….this….I don't want to ruin this relationship." I said, honestly.

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "You're not going to. Why would you say that?"

_Because the last relationship I had turned out to be a complete nightmare and I don't deserve you and I have a feeling you'll find out everything and leave me. _

"Just….I don't want to lose you." I replied, my heart speeding in an erratic pace.

"You're not going to."

He leaned down and placed an affectionate kiss on my lips before taking my hand and leading us back to the ballroom. We parted hands once we entered but we stayed close. Different people came up to us, complimenting my performance and admiring photographer Elijah Goldsworthy.

We talked with Alli and Adam, along with other important executives. I narrowly tried to avoid Drew but I wasn't quick enough.

"Clare, why don't you and Elijah come join us?"

Declan was still with him and they both were holding champagne glasses, their postures relaxed. Declan had a dazzling smile on that I didn't trust while Drew's eyes were taunting me. Something flickered in them but it was gone before I could comprehend.

Eli walked to them first, I merely followed cautiously.

"Elijah Goldsworthy, I would like you to meet model executive, Declan Coyne." Drew introduced professionally.

Eli and Declan shook hands but Declan's eyes were on me. "Clare, very _good _to see you again."

I could feel Eli's eyes on me. I avoided eye contact with Declan and said, "Likewise."

"What? That's all I get? After everything we've been through," he said, mock hurt in his voice.

I felt my body tense as my eyes bored through Declans. He was mocking me. Why? I look to Drew and see the same expression on his face, but his eyes were focused on Eli's. I looked at Eli and he was staring at me. A tint of anger was shown on his face but confusion and in denial were more evident.

"Clare, what is he talking about?" Eli said, his jaw clenched

It felt like everyone in the room disappeared at this moment, and it was only us four, the tension from our little bubble threatening to expose and suffocate me.

"We know each other through business." I muttered miserably.

Eli didn't seem to buy it, his face was still tensed and confused.

"Business?" Declan scoffed. "You and I _both _know we were acquainted _personally_."

My mouth parted in a small gasp as I stared at him in disbelief. I wanted to say something, anything but the words were choked in my throat and wouldn't come out.

Then when I noticed the complete grin on Drew's features, realization dawned on me. He did this. He brought Declan here, the familiar men, they were all the men I…_slept _with and they were all here. I never felt so disgusting in my life.

"Why did you do this?" I asked, anger and betrayal simmering through me.

Drew took a sip from his champagne with ease before tossing it to a passing waiter. He looked at me with a lazy look and fixed the cuffs of his jacket.

"I know Clare. I knew all along that you weren't doing your job and was actually with this idiot," he jerked his head over to Eli. "You think I'm fucking stupid? Those lovey stares and flirting you two exchanged, everyone knew."

I blinked a few times and started to breath heavily. "So you do this? Just tell me what I have done to you to deserve this," I said, the desperation cracking through my tough exterior.

A firm hand closed on my wrist and I completely forgot that Eli was here. "Clare tell me what is going on?"

The pain in his eyes broke my heart and I wanted to tell him but this situation was too public and I felt very dizzy from my headache.

"Oh, your girlfriend didn't tell you?" Drew cut in.

Eli and I both looked at Drew.

"Tell me what?" Eli said.

"Clare slept with most of the guys in this room, including Declan over here, for money. And you were the next person she was supposed to be fucking, man the girl does anything for money."

My blood ran cold and I felt my whole body shake violently. I felt like I was taken to another world and I watched the scene play before me: Eli let go of my wrist and punched Drew square against the jaw, gasps escaped many people before the room went completely silent, I yelled Eli's name as I tried to calm him down. The blow of the punch sent Drew flying to the ground but no one made a move to help him up.

I grabbed Eli's arm. "Eli, please…..stop."

He pulled away from my grasp sharply and his face was on the verge of explosion. "Tell me Clare," his voice was raw and pained, I never heard him like this before. "Tell me he's lying," he whispered.

I looked at him, and tried to plead with my eyes to understand. He got his answer but not the one he wanted. He stepped back and his mouth parted in defeat. He sharply turned and walked out of the room.

The tears started to sting at the back of my eyes as I ran after him. I followed him in the lobby but I grabbed his arm to turn him around.

"Eli please understand, it's not what you think." I said, desperately.

"Really? It sure seemed like it, since you didn't even deny it." He said, venom and sarcasm dripping from his voice.

I shook my head as the tears fell down my face. "Drew is not telling the whole truth, you need to believe me."

He glared at me, his eyes dark with fury. "Why should I believe anything _you _tell me? You lied to me. You kept things from me when I opened up to you. I thought we were on the same _fucking _page here Clare."

"We are! I didn't want to tell you because I knew this would happen! Can you please just let me explain why I had to do it," I said, my last attempt to keep him with me.

He gave me a disgusted look. "I don't want to know why you fucked all those guys in there. That is just disgusting and degrading. I thought you were different."

He turned around and left the building. I stood frozen and tried to realize the weight this situation added. I tried to go after him again but a huge pain in my chest stopped me. My breathing was becoming shallow, making it hard to breathe. My headache hammered through my brain and I couldn't think clearly. My eyes drifted opened and closed and I couldn't hear anything. I collapsed on the floor and darkness consumed me.


	14. Rude Awakening

**Okay so here's the deal, I had this chapter typed and ready to update after exams were over but then yesterday, my computer decided to erase EVERY single file I had in my hard drive so I had to re-write this chapter. I was pissed but I liked how this turned out...anyways, school and exams are OVER, which means-if my computer won't be a bitch-I will be updating more frequently, and I promise this time because I have no school in the way!:) Now, I really loved your reactions from last chapter, I'm really glad you guys liked it and it makes me happy that you guys love this story, because after hearing all this news about Imogen and Jake for the new season, my eclare heart has been breaking even more. BUT I will NOT give up on eclare and will keep writing stories about them. Now I hope you guys like this chapter! Enjoy my lovely readers:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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(ClarePOV)**  
**

Being force fed for two weeks in the hospital was not the way I wanted to spend my remaining time in Paris. The days when I starved myself and the stress added to that, made me collapse and pass out. It was right after Eli left and it was the last time I saw him. I refuse to speak to anyone because there was nothing to say. Everyone found out who I _really_ am and I didn't picture it to happen like this. Adam and Alli tried to find out what was really going on, because they didn't believe that what happened at the event was true. I didn't answer any of their questions and would wait silently until they left me alone. It was probably terrible for me to be so hostile to them but what is there left for me to be good? Everything always screws up for me. Once, in a long time, I felt happy and at peace but I should've known it was too good to be true.

I was never meant to be happy.

When I was younger, I had the perfect family. My parents were the golden, Christian, couple with their two perfect daughters. It was cliché really, but I was happy. Everyone was. Until Darcy was raped. It killed the whole family and our perfect family was crumbling once it happened. No one blamed Darcy, but Darcy was damaged beyond repair to accept help from her family and friends. She finally moved to Kenya after receiving the help she wanted but when she did, she left the failing marriage of our parents and a scared me behind. My parents argued more frequent after she left and I was left with the only escape to ease the pain: writing. It was the only thing that could calm and relax me after a parental melt down. There was nothing else that could make me feel that peaceful, but I haven't wrote in 3 years. But there was one other thing that could calm me-or I should say _someone._

Eli.

I missed him so much that my brain couldn't process it. I haven't seen or spoken to him since that night and I was worried that he found out about me in the hospital. I'm already known as a slut, but now I have to deal with the fact that I'm bulimic and anorexic. I didn't know that I would be one to have these disorders, but yet again, everything changed once I joined this world. Eli was the only good thing that came out of it. I just want to see him again and for him to tell me that he wants to be with me, we could run away together and forget all of those pointless drama.

Only one could wish.

The pit that I was sucked in since I joined this business swallowed me whole. I was never going to get out, no one can save me. Which is why I don't care anymore. Why should I? All I ever do is make things worse for everyone, including myself. I lay in this uncomfortable hospital bed, clad in my white night gown and just hope to disappear. It would make things easier for everyone and I wouldn't have to deal with everything screwing up once again...

_Knock! Knock!_

I groaned in annoyance and turned on my stomach as I buried my head under my pillow. I didn't want to see Alli or Adam at the moment and I didn't want to deal with the rude nurse that has been taking care of me for the past couple of weeks.

I waited until the person would give up and walk away.

A few more knocks.

Silence.

A jiggle to the knob.

The door creaking open.

I lifted my head from under my pillow and lifted my body up before turning around in a sitting position, ready to scold whomever interrupted my misery. I froze when I saw who it was.

He stood in front of the closed door and his hands were in his pockets. He looked as if he didn't know what he was doing here or _why _he was here. I calmly gazed at him and couldn't ignore the flutter of my heart at the sight of him. I've been wanting to see him ever since he left me that night and I finally am, but I couldn't help but fear that he was here uncomfortably instead of happily.

"What are you doing here?"

My soft voice echoed through the room, untainted and unspoken for many weeks, finally emerging. I could feel the tension between us and it felt like he was miles away instead of across the room. No, this was not going to be a happy visit.

He averted his gaze from the floor and his green orbs finally looked in mine. I almost gasped by the beauty of him but refrained when I saw the look on his face. Emotionless. I knew I was the cause of it and couldn't control the dread that was spreading through my system. He still stared at me and I wanted him to say something, anything.

"Adam told me."

His voice was solid and unbreakable. It was as if he made sure for his voice to sound like this; not show any trace of emotion whatsoever. It was starting to scare me.

I nodded solemnly. "Well, you saw me...is there anything else?"

"Why do you do it? You've been starving yourself this whole time..."

"Not all the time." I interrupted. "I usually just throw up my food once I'm done eating but when we arrived at Paris, everything was becoming too stressful and I didn't see the point in eating."

He shook his head robotically and drew in a breath. "You don't need to do something like that. You're better then any of that."

I knew he was referring to more, but I easily disregarded it and crossed my arms over my chest. "How would you know? It turns out I was just like one of those other girls, right, Eli?"

His eyes flashed and turned dark. His hands were out of his pockets and were clenched, the veins exposed. I knew I was taunting him but he claimed that I wasn't different and basically was compared to a slut. I'm not denying that I'm not, but hearing it from him is truly upsetting.

"Why do you do it? Explain to me why you do this Clare?" His solid voice cracked and his anger was more evident.

"So now you want to know what happened? Are you sure you can handle it," I said, my teeth gritted in anger.

"Yes." He said.

"Fine, yes I did sleep with those men. And yes, I did sleep with them for money. But it wasn't willingly. I only do it because Drew is _making_ me. If I had another choice, I would leave without a doubt." I said, exasperated that I was admitting this to him.

Eli watched me with intent eyes and walked slowly across the room. He stopped after a few feet and he bit his lip in anger. "Why does he make you do it?"

_"Come on babe, try it, its not going to kill you," said Drew as he held the bag of powder in his hands._

_I bowed my head and twiddled my hands together. "Are yous sure it will be fine?" I looked back into his eyes and he looked annoyed._

_"Clare," he said. "It's only one dose, and if you don't like it, then you won't have it again."_

_His grin was wide and his blue eyes held an emotion I couldn't decipher. I've never seen him this anxious before, but I knew he would take care of me if anything became out of hand._

_I bit my lip and shyly nodded my head. His grin grew wider and he handed me the bag before placing a chaste kiss on my lips._

_"I promise babe, you won't be disappointed." _

_He watched with hawk eyes as I opened the bag._

I opened my eyes as the memory washed through me and made my body almost shut down. I looked back at an awaiting Eli and knew that I would lose him officially if I didn't tell him.

"It all started when I was 17 and my mother had a friend who had a son that was a year older then me." I looked down at my hands; not being able to continue the story if I looked at him. "He was an agent that was slowly becoming successful and my mother practically forced me to model for him. I didn't want to disappoint her since she has been going through a lot of stress since the divorce. I think you know the guy was Drew and in a nutshell I fell for him. He was amazing at first but things soon changed. He took me everywhere in Toronto, important events, crazy parties, I was living the famous life but I was starting to dislike it more and more. Especially that one night when he took me to one of those _infamous_ parties. He convinced me to do drugs and drink and it became way out of control. I don't remember much that night but I do remember waking up naked all by myself. Drew broke up with me shortly after and had photos of me from the previous night. Ashamed, I did anything he wanted to never have those photos released."

The room fell silent and started to suffocate me. I felt disgusting and wanted to hide under a rock. But Eli was still here and I didn't know what he would think of me now, I was scared and anxious but I didn't want to know right away.

"I don't know what to say." He finally said.

The tears stung my eyes and I yanked the off the tubes that were taped on my wrists and hastily climbed off the bed, the floor was cold under my bare feet and my body was still weak. I almost collapsed on the floor but Eli caught me before I could. The sobs broke out and I felt Eli's arms wrapped around me protectively as I buried my face in his chest. I felt warm and safe, being in his arms again, but I felt sick and drained as I cried my eyes out.

"E-Eli, I-I...k-know...I-I'm a h-horrible person...but p-_please_," I lifted my head to look in his eyes. "Don't hate me."

He pulled me against him again and I shook violently as I held onto him for dear life.

"I don't hate you," he whispered over my head. "I l..."

I looked back at him when he trailed off. He looked so torn as I blinked a few times, the tears pouring. He looked at me with sorrowful eyes and cupped his hand over my cheek. His mouth was slightly parted and it looked like he was trying to say something. I clung onto his jacket as I silently begged him to tell me what he was going to say. _Tell me Eli._

"...I can't do this."

My hands on his jacket went limp and the small hope that I held onto flew right out of me. I looked at his chest for a long time and stayed frozen and thought, maybe if I don't move, I could pretend this never happened and I wasn't about to have my heart ripped out, again.

He moved my small wrists off his jacket and he left, without saying another word. I started to breathe heavily and I couldn't comprehend why the floor looked so comfortable at the moment. I laid down on the cold tiles and curled up, bring my knees to my chest. The only thing I could keep controlled was the shaking but other then that, _everything _was out of my control.

.

.

**The Clare Edwards Controversy**

_What really happened to her?_

_As many of you know, 20, year old, model, Clare Edwards has been recently spotted in every magazine and media article that anyone could find. Everyone knows her as the sweet and innocent heroin that melted and adored fans and photographers, but __apparently Clare Edwards is not as innocent as her image is set out to be. __Ever since the huge event taken in Paris, France, people have been questioning what is really going on with this model. Also, is there a love triangle between her sly agent Drew Torres and sexy photographer Elijah Goldsworthy_**. **_It has been revealed that Clare Edwards and Elijah Goldsworthy have been dating shortly after he joined the fashion studio FIDM. The two have been inseparable since but reports show that after Paris, the couple have not been seen together. What's in store for these famous lovers?_

_After the event, a party was taken place and that is where all the drama began. **"Clare Edwards was there with Elijah Goldsworthy and when she confronted Drew Torres, she seemed very tense,"**__ said an eye witness. Tension raised when words were exchanged and Elijah Goldsworthy abruptly punched Drew Torres across the face before fleeing the scene with girlfriend, Clare Edwards trailing behind. No one has seen Clare Edwards since that night but was reportedly registered in the hospital. What is going with this model? Hmmm..._

___No one explained what happened that night, except when we interviewed Drew Torres, he had a few words to say, **"Clare Edwards has been sleeping with men for money and I was trying to help her that night in Paris. She won't take my help though and I feel pity that she won't get any help."**__ We do not know if this is true or not but Drew Torres gave us some photos that were taken a few years back, they are very racy and inappropriate, so we blurred out some parts but we have them on the next page. Now onto the love triangle, is Drew Torres really telling the truth and merely trying to help a friend in need? Or is he jealous of the relationship between her and the photographer? It does seem very suspicious, why would Drew pick now for the time to exploit Clare Edwards to the media? Especially since they dated in the past._

___Now Elijah Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards relationship was a shock to the press indeed but again it is really adorable. Unfortunately though, Elijah Goldsworthy was spotted leaving the hotel in Paris two weeks after the event **alone**. Then a week later, Clare Edwards left the hotel with fellow model and companion Alliah Bhandari along with fashion director Adam Torres. Separate flights? Is there trouble in paradise?_

___The pictures are on the next page and there will be more to reveal next month as we uncover more about The Clare Edwards Controversy._

I angrily turned the magazine page over and was welcomed by my worst nightmare coming true. The pictures. They were scattered all over the page, along with Eli being swarmed by paparazzi. He looked like he was about to kill someone and I couldn't get over how I was the cause of all of this. Alli, Adam, and I were spotted and I remember that day clearly, I wasn't paying too much attention to the cameras, because my mind was somewhere else.

I ripped the pages into a million shreds and let the wind blow them away as I walked towards the entrance of the studio. I was only here to pick some stuff up before I head to therapy. When the hospital discharged me, the doctor made sure I would visit a therapist three times a weak for my disorder. I go, but I don't like it. The thought of someone trying to pick through my brain, bothers me and makes me feel violated.

It's been a week since we came back and Alli and Adam still try to talk to me, but I refuse to tell them anything. I do talk to them, but not about this. Though, I guess I could forget about them not finding out, since its all over the damn tabloids. Could anything else become worse?

I enter the studio and walk straight to my dressing room; ignoring the gawking stares and multiple whispers. I enter my dressing room and suddenly feel comfort that I've been longing for in weeks.

I take a seat at my vanity and look at myself finally this morning. My hair is a mess and dark bags were forming under my eyes, but I didn't care. I zipped up my hoodie and placed my bag on top of my track pants. I open my drawer and started to place small items in my bag. The door opens and I look in my mirror to see Adam entering.

"What are you doing here?" I said, tiredly, as I placed more items in my bag.

"You finally came to the studio, I had to see how you've been," he said.

I still looked in my bag as I rummaged through it to pretend I was busy. "Well, I'm fine. Anything else you need?"

"Clare can you stop for one second," he said, voice on edge.

My hands froze in my bag but I still looked down. I didn't want to face Adam for many reasons. Most importantly because of Drew. I may hate that man with every fiber of my being, but he was still Adam's brother and I didn't want Adam to suffer because of _my_ mistakes.

I sighed shakily and lifted my head to look in the mirror. "What is it Adam?"

"What happened with Drew?" He asked, impatiently.

"What makes you think its about D-"

"Cut the crap Clare," he growled. "Tell me."

I stood up to face him properly and noticed his fists were clenched to his sides, a side of Adam I've never seen before. He was always the calm and collected one, he never lost his cool, but now, he looked like he could burst in any moment.

"That night, after the event in Paris, what Drew said was right; I did sleep with all those men," I looked down at my clasped hands and tried to breathe evenly, the whole room completely silent and pulsing though my ears. "But Drew has been making me do it Adam, he made me sleep with all those men because he's been blackmailing me. I d-didn't want...I didn't w-want to...to do-"

I was cut off when Adam enveloped me in a comforting embrace. My body slumped as I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt okay in his arms. I was happy I didn't lose a friend.

"How long?"

I kept my eyes shut as I heard his cold voice. "A couple of years."

His body hardened and he released from the hug hastily. I crossed my arms over my chest as I watched him pace the room angrily.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him," he mumbled, his voice full of fury.

"Adam please, I don't want to you to hate him because of me. You two are brothers."

"Only by marriage. He is _dead _to me otherwise," he stopped, looking as if he just remembered something. He looked towards me. "Does Eli know?"

I averted my eyes away and turned around to retrieve my bag, before slinging it on my shoulder. "Does it matter?" I asked, lowly.

"Yes, he cares about you." He said.

"Not anymore, and to be honest, I don't blame him." I walked past Adam, "It's probably for the best anyways."

"I know you don't mean that," Adam said softly from behind.

I stopped in front of my door and closed my eyes as the tears fell. "Bye Adam."

I left without him saying another word and walked out of the studio, the flashes from cameras blinding my face as I stepped outside.


	15. Outlet

**Hello! Thank you everyone for the reviews!:) I can't believe I'm saying this, but after this chapter will be one more and then an epilogue! So I hope you guys enjoy this chapter:)**

**Disclaimer: I do not won Degrassi.**

* * *

(ClarePOV)

"Clare Edwards! You're finally back-" _CLICK!_

"-Can you tell us what really happened?" _CLICK!_

"Where's Elijah Goldsworthy, are you two still an item-" _CLICK!_

"Please, tell us!" _SNAP!_

I pulled up my hood and bowed my head as I ignored the swarming questions from the monkeys behind the cameras. The flashes were everywhere and I couldn't find a way out. When I finally found a gap, I quickly walked to my car and turned the keys in the ignition once inside. They were surrounding my car but I drove out of the parking lot and on the road in a second.

I sighed in relief and pulled my hood down while I drove to the one place I've been wanting to avoid at all costs. I've been there twice but nothing is helping. Its only a conservative blond woman asking me meaningless questions while she scrolled down notes in her fancy notebook. I remembered when Darcy went to therapy after her rape and she would always try to convince mom and dad no to go anymore. She hated it.

I parked my car in front of the brown building, trees on either side with grass and a bench to have that "comforting" feeling. Yeah right. I went straight to her office after greeting the receptionist half-heartedly.

She was sitting at her desk after she beckoned me in.

"Clare, so nice to see you again." Her bright smile did nothing to reassure my mood.

"Hey," I said, taking a seat across from her leather chair.

My eyes wandered around her room and saw the many certificates framed on her wall. The room itself was huge and was painted with a bland beige that did _nothing_ for the coloured furniture she had. But one thing that always caught my eye when I entered this room was her book shelf. It was filled with many amazing books by extraordinary authors and every time I have to refrain myself from going over there and picking up a book. I noticed she had many Chuck Palahniuk books and it would remind me when Eli and I used to talk about how he was our favourite author.

"Clare?" I looked over to her. "How is your day so far?"

_Well, Dr. Brink, I had to force-feed myself, I finally admitted to my friend that my agent has been blackmailing me, I quit my job and oh, I was attacked by paparazzi on my way over to see YOU. The cherry on top of a FANTASTIC morning._

"Fine."

She looked defeated before placing another smile on her face and crossing her leg over the other, notebook on lap. She scrolled a few things down and I wished this session would be over.

"So Clare, what would you like to talk about today?" She eyed me carefully and I wanted to slap off her beady gaze.

"Aren't you supposed to ask me about my disorders? You know the whole, 'how do you feel about that?' or 'how is it going with it?', stuff," I said, not trying to hide the boredom in my voice.

"That is only if you want to. I will not pressure you talk about anything you don't feel comfortable about. We can talk about anything. For instance, is there anything new going on, with your career maybe?"

I stared at her in disbelief. _Is she serious right now?_ "Haven't you heard? It's all over the media."

She shook her head. "I don't engage in any activity that involves with distorting the truth."

I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head. "So, you believe that these magazines and tabloids hold false information?"

She closed her notebook and blindly placed it behind on her desk; something she's never done before. She crossed her arms over her lap and gave me a serene look.

"Clare, did something happen with the media? Is that why you're under stress?"

There it is again. Trying to pick through my brain. Just when I thought I could have a conversation for once that wasn't about me, it always backfires.

"Well, if you have been reading those stupid magazines, you would know that I'm known as a complete slut and have an extreme mental condition," I said in one breath, not wanting to have this conversation, _again._

Dr. Brink didn't say anything for a moment. She merely averted her eyes and looked thoughtful with pity spread over her features. I wanted to slap her. I don't need her pity or anyone's for that matter. I'm tired being known as a victim, because in truth, I'm not. I admit it, but there is not one second that goes by that I think what did I do so wrong to have this happen? Surely, everything happens for a reason but I still completely don't understand that statement.

"Is there anything that can relax you?" she abruptly asked.

"Excuse me," I asked in disbelief.

"Whatever this media is doing, is obviously causing you stress and I want you to find something that can help you relax. For instance, an escape, an outlet."

Writing instantly came into my mind and I was actually considering what she said. But I couldn't….I haven't wrote in three years and even though I missed it desperately, its not something you can just jump back into. Your mind needs to be set for it and nothing can bother you. It needs to be just you, your pen, and paper. Nothing else matters.

"I always used to write…." I trailed off shyly, never admitting this to anyone.

Her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands together as if she found something interesting. "That's perfect! Why don't I send you home early to think about it, then let me know in our next session, okay?"

I nodded eagerly, just wanting to leave this place. We said our goodbyes and I drove home, thinking about what she said.

.

.

I held the pencil in my hand and stared at the blank piece of paper in front of me. I didn't know how long I've been in this position; sitting in my chair while glaring at the piece of paper. I had an idea what to write but I was afraid that it wouldn't come out right, that it would lack in quality and integrity. I sighed and closed my eyes. Many ideas would float in my mind and I just wanted to write them down, even if they probably didn't make sense.

_Just try Clare._

I bit my lip and placed the lead to the paper, moving the object between my hands as I printed words. I felt something inside me shift and I turned instantly calm as I scrolled down more words. Throughout the whole time I was writing, the lead would dig deeper in the paper, making the words in bold. I don't know how long I wrote for but I ended filling the whole page up. I placed the pencil down and took the paper in my hands and read the script:

_He makes me feel different. These past three years have been hell and I felt there was no way out. He entered my world in the most unexpected time, but I couldn't be more grateful. He's sarcastic and charming, he's smug and caring, I never thought I would fall for someone like him. But every time he was near me, my senses would kick in, my palms would sweat, and my whole body would relax under his gaze. He probably has no idea what effect he has on me, but I never wanted to let him go. His whole presence dictates that he was a bad person, a person that didn't care about anything or anyone. I never thought that though. He can be secretive and mysterious but when he opened up to me, I've never felt my heart swell up with such trust. And when we finally decided to be together, I felt like I was meeting the rest of him. A missing piece he hid from everyone else. Everything was going perfect then, we would always be together, we would try new things. When things escalated, we became more serious and physical. A simple touch that came from him sent my body in a realm of emotions. Always good ones, but I never thought one man could make feel that way. A fire consumes me every time I'm near him but would sensually die out when he would press his soft lips to mine. He made my life simpler, worth barring. He made my life peaceful._

_**POUND! POUND! POUND!**_

I dropped the paper from my hands when I heard the loud knocking on my door. I got up from my set and realized my house was in darkness. _What time was it?_ I walked to my door and looked through the peephole to see Alli. I didn't want to see her right now but I knew she wouldn't leave until I let her in. So I unlocked my door and was instantly surrounded by the scent of _Victoria Secret. _

"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier but the studio was in chaos today," Alli muttered, hugging me tightly.

"It's fine," I said, releasing form the hug.

Alli stepped in my house and I closed the door. We sat down on the couch and she looked at me with concern.

"Clare, please tell me what happened," Alli pleaded, tugging on my arm.

"I don't know if I can," I replied honestly.

Alli placed her hand over mine and I looked into her big, brown, eyes. She was my best friend and Adam wasn't upset with me. Maybe she would understand. So I told her. I told her everything. From Drew blackmailing me to Eli visiting me in the hospital.

"Oh, Clare," she pulled me in a hug and I smiled at the fact the she understood.

I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, Alli and Adam still love me and I was slowly starting to write again. But a pit was still deep in my stomach, _he _was still on my mind all the time. I tried my best to forget about him, but it was no use. I still wanted him. I still wanted to be with him.

"You realize what this means right?" Alli said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I tilted my head in confusion. "No, I don't."

A devilish smile spread on Alli's face and I felt my insides churn.

"We can let this bastard get away with this," she said, her evil smile becoming more pronounced.

Oh boy.

.

.

I fixed the small device on my top, making sure it was hidden but can still get a clear video. I still couldn't believe I was about to do this. Alli was one little evil mastermind. The plan itself was extremely ridiculous but all the while could work. I walked towards Drew office, ready to put the plan in action. I also couldn't believe Alli got a hold of Connor: our old high school classmate that was now a billionaire. He's been extremely busy with his new invention, I was surprised that he helped Alli to get me this device. But I guess that proves, never to underestimate Alli.

I stopped in front of the door before knocking lightly, my nerves kicked in overdrive. Drew's slimy voice told me to enter and I went inside, closing the door behind me. Drew looked up from his desk and I made sure to have the device on his face. He grinned and placed down the pen he was writing with while leaning back in his chair.

"Well, well, haven't see you in a while. I guess therapy could take up a persons' time. Am I right?" His grin grew as he placed his hands behind his head. I wanted to slap him.

"I think we should talk," I said, ignoring his question.

He raised an eyebrow. "What about exactly?"

"About everything. I still want to know why you did this to me Drew, I want to know why you destroyed me." I was trying really hard not to yell at him, but I needed to stick to the plan.

"Oh, you mean when I told everyone what a whore you are," he chuckled. "Well, you simply lied to me, not to mention everyone you work with. I just thought I would be doing a _favour _for everyone by revealing the truth."

I blinked, a blank expression on my face. "You were the one that wanted me to sleep with Eli, and every other person I slept with. I just don't understand why won't people believe me. They think _you're _the innocent one in this, when you and I both know that is not true."

He was falling into the trap and all I needed was for him to admit it.

"Of course it isn't true. I'm surprised that the press bought my story of you needing help for sleeping with those men. I have the media wrapped around my little finger," he stood up and walked in front of his desk. "And I have _you_ to thank for that," he smirked.

_Bingo._

"Wow Drew, at least you're telling _someone _the truth, I thought you would deny even to me about this whole scandal. But you still didn't answer my question: why did you do all this-I mean from the beginning when you broke up with me," I said, my voice low.

He tilted his head; pretending to be in deep thought. I mentally scoffed.

"I may not like you and may have used you, but I couldn't lose you. You are my best model and I knew back then that you wanted to be a writer. It would be only a matter of time before you left the modeling business and pursue that pathetic career. I would've lost my job if you left," he said with ease.

I stared at him in disbelief. All this time….why he kept me….was because of his job. He did all of this so he wouldn't lose his job. His stupid job! I felt my nostrils flare and a warm feeling spread all over. That asshole! How can he do this? I wanted to punch him, slap him, and kick him for doing this to me.

"Well, that was completely unexpected, but I quit," I said, confidently.

Drew laughed, "that's fine, I don't you need anymore, because in case you haven't noticed," he paused. "I'm huge. The publicity is all mine," he lifted his arms up as if he was the king of the world. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"But, I will be here for next weeks show. Think of it as a goodbye," I said, waiting for him to take the bait.

He shrugged, "whatever."

I bite back a smile and left the room. Once I was outside, away from the studio, I quickly took out my phone and dialled Alli's number, a huge smile on my face.


	16. Permanent

**Oh goodness, I can't believe this is the last chapter. I had fun writing this and I hope you guys are satisfied with the ending. I want to thank everyone who took the time to read this story and everyone who loved it. After this chapter, there will be an epilogue, so keep an eye on that. Now enjoy my lovely readers. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

(ClarePOV)

"You sure about this?" I asked, as Alli and I walked inside the studio.

It was the day of the show, my last one. Alli was modeling but I wasn't. The only reason I came was to show the press what Drew Torres is _really _like. Its been a week since I went to his office and video taped him, Alli, Adam and I were preparing for how we were going to do it. I was excited but extremely nervous.

"Yes, Clare. Stop worrying, you'll get wrinkles," Alli said.

I nodded and took in a deep breath. Everything will go okay. Adam burned the video on a disk and I was going to show it to the entire show, which will be surrounded with the press. This past week things have been going okay. I went to therapy already this week and I've been writing more frequently. I have a few pages and I showed my therapist; she was pleased with me. I was pleased with myself too, but I still had trouble eating and resisting the urge to throw it up.

"Okay, I have to go get ready for the show," Alli said, walking in another direction. "I'll see you later!"

I nodded and went into the room where the catwalk was. It was empty, because the show was being held in another room, a room that was made not too long ago. I climbed on top of the cat walk and went into the preparation station, straight to the hidden back door. I walked down the long hallway and entered the room I haven't been in months. I almost gasped when I saw _him _in there. He was sitting in the chair, staring blankly ahead. I shut the door and walked further in the room. He snapped his head in my direction and our eyes locked. His mesmerising green eyes held so much emotion, I couldn't process it.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice monotone.

"I just needed to be alone, before the show starts," I said, looking at my shoes. "What about you? I thought you didn't work here anymore."

"I don't," he clipped. "I'm here for one last show, supposedly I have to, the producer of the this studio said so."

I nodded, not knowing what to say. "I-I don't work here anymore either, I just came for one last show and then I'm leaving."

He blinked. "Leaving? As in leaving L.A.?"

"Yeah, I can't stay here anymore. Its not healthy for me and I'm unhappy here. There's nothing good here for me," I replied honestly.

It was true. I can't stay here anymore. I need to get away from Drew, from modeling, but most importantly, _him. _I'm causing myself more pain when I think about him and even though it helps when I write about him, I still think of what would happen if we were still together. I'll miss Alli and Adam and especially him, but I need to something for myself, for once.

Eli's face looked pained. He clasped his hands together and he looked conflicted on what to say next.

"Where are you going?" he finally asked.

"Toronto. I miss it," I said, thinking about my parents and everything I left behind back there.

He nodded, and I turned to leave, but he said, "Clare?"

I turned to face him again, my hand on the door knob. "Yes?"

He stared at me, his eyes piercing through mine with such intensity, it almost made me dizzy. It looked like he was going to say something important, but I was too paralyzed by his gaze.

"Good luck," he whispered.

I smiled in return but my heart cracked at his words. I left the room and made my way to the show.

.

.

I was seated at one of the many round tables surrounding the black catwalk. The show just finished and I felt the nervousness starting to kick in. In a couple of minutes, I was going to stand in front of everyone and show the video. Adam had this projector set up on the side of the catwalk. All he needed to do was put it in and a big screen will come down and show the video.

Drew hopped on the catwalk with a huge grin on his face. I grimaced inwardly but waited for him to start.

"Thank you, everyone for coming today," he said in a professional voice that always amazed me. "Now the show is over, everyone can carefully-"

Drew was interrupted when Adam walked on the catwalk and tapped his shoulder. Adam whispered in his ear and I saw Drew's face darken, before he smiled again. He nodded and Adam fled away off the catwalk.

"Well, it looks like we have an announcement from our former model, Clare Edwards," Drew said, looking right in my direction and I could feel all eyes on me.

I smiled and walked up to the catwalk. Drew gave me a warning look before turning back to the people. Cameras were flashing in our direction and I had to squint my eyes. Drew got off the catwalk, leaving me alone. When the flashes died down, I saw Eli off in the distance, staring at me. I averted my gaze and looked at the side to see Adam; waiting for the signal.

I took a deep breath and turned back to the awaiting people.

"Hello, everyone. I'm Clare Edwards as many of you may know, and I've notice many people have been trying to figure out what happened to me, or what is going on? But Don't worry, because today I'm revealing the whole truth. No more secrets."

I heard some people gasp and the click of video cameras.

"To clear up any confusion, the magazines were absolutely right about me sleeping with those men. However, the bigger detail was left hidden. Drew Torres. He may have fooled many people when he said he wanted to help me…..But no one knows that it was _him _that made me do this." I looked over to Drew and he was giving the coldest glare I've ever seen.

I looked away, getting ready for what was next. "I know, you may think I'm lying, but I'm not. I can prove it."

I nodded to Adam and he turned on the projector and Drew's face came on the screen. It was the day when I went to his office, and everyone was going to see what he said.

The whole room was silent as they watched the video.

"…._it isn't true. I'm surprised that the press bought my story of you needing help for sleeping with those men. I have the media wrapped around my little finger, and I have _you _to thank for that,_" Drew's voice boomed through the room.

I looked over to Drew and his face was pale. He stared in disbelief and I almost laughed at the fact that he didn't win this time. I did. Cameras flashed in his direction and he smiled nervously, and tried to cover himself. _I guess he doesn't like the press anymore._

The video was over and I turned back to the crowd. Shock was written on many faces. Alli was smiling and giving me a thumbs up and I didn't dare to look at Eli.

"After I showed you guys the video, I hope you can realized what really happened. But, even though Drew did all of this to me, I don't call myself a victim. I am just as responsible for my scandal as well as he is. I've lost a lot of things after this came out to the press. I found out I was bulimic and anorexic, I lost the person I loved the most…." I blindly fixated my gaze on Eli's and he stared back with that same look he had on before. "But, I am going to be better. In time. Thank you all for listening and coming today."

Everyone clapped and I noticed Drew trying to run away but security caught him and I saw the owner of the studio walk up to him. All eyes were on him as the owner grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the room, a few press following behind.

"Clare!" yelled Eli, as I was about to step off the catwalk.

The flashing lights from the camera went in Eli's direction ad he ran over to me. I was utterly confused as to what he was doing. He hopped on the stage and stood in front of me, his face unreadable.

"Eli, what are-"

He cut me off by crashing his lips over mine. I was frozen when his lips moved over mine passionately but realized what was happening and returned the kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips on mine again made me reminisce on the past, making a warm sensation spread through my body.

We were so lost in each other that we didn't care that we were being photographed. I vaguely heard some people "oohing" and "aahhing". I released from the kiss but still held on to him. I didn't know what this meant but I wanted him to explain.

"Clare," he started. "I'm tired of not being with you. I know, I left you and I shouldn't have, but I was scared. But now I will be with you, every step of the way, even when you go to Toronto. I love you, Clare."

My heart jumped out of my chest at his words. I realized then that all this time he did love me. He loved me but he was scared, and that was understandable, because I've never felt this way about anyone before, but I love him too, and I was ready for us to be together.

"I love you, Eli," I whispered.

He smirked and put his arm on my shoulder as he faced the crowd. "I love Clare Edwards!"

I blushed and hid my head in his shoulder but I was too happy to be embarrassed. I had Eli back. He was mine and I don't have to lose him again. We left after that. We went into his car and drove off to nowhere in particular. But he was here, and when he looked at me with such love in his eyes, everything went peaceful, but this time it was permanent.


	17. Epilogue: Finally

**One last time! Epilogue my readers, again I want to thank everyone for reading this story, I didn't think it would be this successful! Thank you, again.**

**I want to clear something up for user Lovely'Henae: I didn't mark this story complete until now because of the epilogue. **

**Okay! I hope you enjoy. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

**Epilogue**

2 years later.

(ClarePOV)

I furiously typed on the keyboard, my eyes straining to make sure I was pressing the write buttons. If I didn't type with such eagerness, I would lose my train of thought, and I can't let that happen. Especially if I can make it blossom into something more. The words look incoherent and sloppy, but my mind is set in different arrays and I will fix the words later on. My fingers ache as I type faster but my mind tells me to keep going. I was too engulfed with my computer screen that I didn't hear the door of the loft open. I bit my lip as the words on the screen started to match what I was thinking.

_Click!_

I whipped my head around and was welcomed with a flash in my direction. I blinked and covered my hands over my eyes; the light blinding me for a moment.

"Goodness, Eli. Do you have to?" I asked, my eyes peeking out of my hands.

He pulled the camera away from his face and had a smug smirk on his face. _He will never change. _He walked over to me and leaned down until we were inches apart.

"Hello to you too," he said huskily.

I fought the shiver that threatened to go down my spine by his voice. His affect on me will never go away. Just the way I like it.

"What was the point of that?" I pointed to the camera in his hands.

"You're just too beautiful, I had to capture your beauty once more," he said in an elegant voice that made me giggle.

He looked past my shoulder and analysed the words on my screen, he looked back to me and smiled.

"Working on another story?" he asked, his voice genuine.

I shrugged. "Just thoughts, how was work?"

"Good, I actually found out some interesting news." He placed the camera on my desk. "The magazine I'm working for needs a replacement for their top photographer and yours truly was offered the job," he said sheepishly, a shy smile tugging on his lips.

"Oh my God! That's amazing Eli, I'm so happy for you.," I said, jumping up and into his arms, startling him.

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me as I pressed my lips to his. He responded to the kiss and turned us around as he blindly stumbled us over to the bed, our lips still attached. The back of my knees touched the edge of the bed and I fell on my back with him on top of me. We kissed for a few minutes, just enjoying these moments together.

Eli released from the kiss. "But, I haven't said yes, yet. I wanted to go over it with you first." He looked into my eyes as his fingers traced circles on my arms.

"Of course you should take it," I said happily. "You deserve it."

He smiled and pecked my lips lightly before moving my bangs from my face.

"How was therapy today?" he asked.

I've been healing slowly ever since I went to therapy in L.A., but I feel more comfortable being in my hometown for therapy. My therapist has helped me a lot, and my writing release still comes in handy, even though my writing has grown bigger recently. I can eat regular meals now and don't feel the urge to throw it up, but sometimes I feel the need to go back to it all, to return back to the purging. Those days, Eli is my rock. He has been with me every step of the way, and I couldn't love him anymore then I do now.

"It was good, nothing new," I said nonchalantly.

He nodded before recognition was shown on his face with a wide smile. "I have some news, Adam called me today, and he's coming to visit next week."

My eyes widened and I let out a squeal. "Adam! How I've missed him! What day is he coming?"

"Friday, he's staying for the weekend."

I nodded in excitement. I haven't seen Adam in months. He's been really busy travelling the world and directing important shows. After he quit FIDM, he decided to work internationally instead, which I find amazing. Him and Drew aren't on speaking terms anymore. Actually, no one has ever heard from Drew in a while. I do remember Alli telling me that Drew was working in a video store in the outskirts of L.A. I wish him all the luck. Not.

"Hey," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. "We should invite Alli and Dave over some time. I know she's dieing for me to meet him."

Alli still worked at FIDM and Dave took over as agent when Drew was fired. She fell head over heels for him, at least, that's how she described it. I was extremely happy for her. We've spoken to each other every once in awhile ever since I moved to Toronto, but I missed her terribly. She was still my best friend and I will always love her.

"Sure," Eli said. "When have you talked to her last?"

"A couple of days ago, she practically screamed my ear off when I told her about the 'big news'," I said, emphasizing on the last two words.

Eli laughed. "I suppose she took it well."

"Well, is an understatement."

He smirked before his face turned serious, his eyes boring into mine. "Are you sure about this, Clare?"

I knew he was worried when I agreed to this, but I think it would be a great opportunity and can maybe could be a start of a new path for me. A better one. One that Eli will be a part of. Ever since we moved in together, our relationship has grown. He'll be with me for all the obstacles and I'm glad.

I nodded. "You'll be with me, that's all that matters."

I pulled his head down and leaned up to kiss him. He swiped his tongue over my bottom lip and he plunged his tongue in once I opened my mouth. I pulled on his hair as he deepened the kiss, our tongues fighting for dominance. I sighed when he wrapped both arms around my back and pulled me closer.

"Okay," he said, breaking from the kiss. "I'm taking you out for dinner."

He climbed off me and pulled me off the bed with him, fixing his clothes in the process. "Why?" was all I said.

"What? I can't take my beautiful girlfriend out for dinner," he mocked. He grinned when I gave him a look. "Okay, okay, if you insist, I want to take you out to celebrate your upcoming book tour!"

"Eli, I told _you _and Alli this already, it's not that big of a deal," I said.

"You make me laugh, Edwards, but I find it a huge deal and I feel extremely honoured that you invited me along." He placed his hand over his chest in pride and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Whatever, glad to see your modest side," I said sarcastically.

He winked before going to the bathroom. I sighed and turned off my computer before walking over to the mirror. I fixed my hair and applied a light coat of make up and I was ready to go. My eyes wandered around until they fixated on the book placed on my dresser, making a warm smile spread on my face.

_Peaceful __By Clare Edwards_

"Clare?" I looked over to Eli, who was waiting by the door. "Ready to go?"

My eyes lingered on the book that changed everything. This was going to be the start of something good, and I can't wait for what's in store. My smile grew as I walked over to my muse, taking his hand.

"I'm ready."


End file.
